The Essential Engagement Quiz: How to Make Sure You’re Ready for Marriage
"Talking good. Secrets bad. Lies worse."
Premature proposals have become somewhat of a trend as of late. First, we had Pete Davidson popping the question to Ariana Grande after just a few weeks of dating. Then, Justin Bieber pulled the same move, putting a great big diamond ring on Hailey Baldwin’s finger. Sure, these two have history, but the “Sorry” singer and former FASHION cover star rekindled their romance only weeks before taking this huge step in their relationship. Everything is happening very fast.
If these early early engagements end with Baldwin and Grande walking down the aisle, what will the marriages look like? Greg Behrendt (author of the romcom classic He’s Just Not That Into You) and his wife, Amiira Ruotola, just dropped a new relationship book that might have the answer. Inside the pages of How to Keep Your Marriage from Sucking, the New York Times best-selling authors share a 24-question engagement quiz that every couple should before making this major commitment towards marriage. Or, you know, before spending a fortune on a sparkly ring. Here’s an excerpt from the book:
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Here is a quiz for you to take with your mate to get into the sticky bits that can be hard to talk about. Grab a couple sheets of paper and pens and write down your answers. Once you’ve answered each question, share your answers and see if you’re completely in sync or if there’s some talking to do. It’s important that you are honest with yourself and each other on all the big things because if you start this union off withholding your truth, it will cause you nothing but trouble. What you’re going for here is full transparency. Starting a dialogue is more important than being completely matched up on your answers. The conversations you will have on these topics will bring you closer together as a couple and make it more likely that you can overcome any standoffs you might have had otherwise. Talking good. Secrets bad. Lies worse. So, let’s get started with the How to Keep Your Marriage from Sucking Engagement Quiz. Bon appétit!
FINANCES
The money I make is considered…
A. Our money because we two are one, and I want to share everything with you.
B. My money. Keep your grubby paws off it you big free-loader. Get your own J-O-B.
C. I suppose it’s our money since we’re going to be married, but I might not want to put it all in the joint account because I’m not all that confident you know how to live within a budget. Maybe I’ll have a separate account on the side and just put a portion of my money (I mean OUR money) in that account each month, so if you totally blow it, I won’t completely panic.
D. I make money?
I know the state of my finances…
A. Always down to the penny.
B. On payday.
C. Once a year at tax time.
D. When the collections agencies call.
SPENDING
I would describe my spending habits as…
A. Impulsive. I can’t leave the checkout line without getting suckered into a pack of gum, and, if I really love some- thing, I get it in two colors. I live on the edge of my finances.
B. Cautious. I’m good at stretching a dollar and saving one. I live below my finances.
C. Reasonable. I spend money on quality not quantity and live well within my finances.
D. Out of control and I want to change…last week I bought a monkey.
I want to be able to spend money…
A. Whenever I want without having to check with you.
B. When it’s important for the both of us.
C. On things we need for everyday life at my own discretion
but check with you on big-ticket items.
D. To online shop like a motherfucker and hide my purchases from you, but please love me anyway.
For our first few newlywed years I would like to…
A. Live large now and then rein it in before we have kids.
B. Save for the future starting now and be responsible.
C. Travel and vacation as much as possible before we are shackled to real responsibilities.
D. Start our own zoo with that monkey I bought.
Where will we live? I would like to see us…
A. Buying a home ASAP and becoming homeowners.
B. Renting for the first few years until we can save up to buy.
C. Living in one of the dwellings we currently are in.
D. Staying with one of our parents to save money until it becomes awkward for everyone.
When I think of kids I see us…
A. Having an allergic reaction to the thought of them.
B. Wanting only one child because I loved being an only child.
C. Having at least two because I hate “only children.”
D. Shooting the moon with three or more because I like a full house and want to make sure there’s someone to look after us when you’re in adult diapers.
Religious matters…
A. Not at all to me—religion is no biggie.
B. To my parents so we’re going to have to pretend—I’m conveniently religious.
C. Did I mention that I want you to convert?
D. My religion is a huge part of my life and who I am, and that’s not going to change no matter how hot you are.
Religion and kids…
A. Kids must be raised in the faith.
B. Can they be disciples of Yeezus?
C. If it’s important to you, I’ll pretend it’s important to me.
D. I don’t want religion to play a role in the way we raise our kids.
Families (in-laws)…
A. I’m marrying you, not your family, so keep them away from me.
B. My mother is the most important person to ever draw breath, and I will always choose her over you (but I don’t want to have sex with her).
C. Big families are what make the world go around; the more the merrier.
D. I accept your family, warts and all because I love you…but we may end up drinking a lot.
E. Do we have to let our families know we’re getting married?
Friends…
A. Your friends are great, and they get along with my friends. No lines being drawn here.
B. Here’s the thing…you could do better. I think you should spend more time with my friends.
C. We each get to keep two, the rest are negotiable.
D. There is going to be a massive editing of friends. Players are getting cut from both teams in a bloodbath.
Careers…
A. We both have careers that are equally important.
B. Whoever makes the most money is the priority career.
C. I never said I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.
D. Your band is a hobby, get a job.
E. You knew this was my life when you married me, so don’t act surprised now.
Long-term goals…
A. To have kids and send them to college, vacation from time to time, and retire with money to move to Hawaii to raise chickens and bees.
B. To have no kids, travel whenever and wherever we want, and spend our lives together.
C. To get you elected to the Senate.
D. To find a way to be happy, no matter where life takes us, and be the envy of all our neighbors.
E. To get a reality series where we look like idiots but can release our own clothing line.
When we combine our things, we’ll keep…
A. All my stuff only.
B. All your stuff only.
C. A little of this, a little of that—start fresh combining some of our stuff but also adding new stuff we choose together.
D. Just those pictures of you and your nana up at the lake.
E. Don’t even think for a minute that your ________ is coming in this house.
DAILY LIFE
Who will do the household chores?
A. We will split them 50/50 and make a kick-ass Raise the Roof/Clean the House playlist and blast it while we clean our love palace.
B. Whoever loses the coin toss that week.
C. The housekeeper that we will gladly pay cold hard cash
to. D. I thought it was your turn.
E. Where do we keep the washer and dryer?
How will food happen?
A. I’ll do the grocery shopping, you do the cooking.
B. We alternate grocery shopping and cooking depending on who has the time to do it.
C. I will orchestrate a complex and detailed schedule of weekly runs to Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, and the Farmer’s Market and blow your mind with my wine pairings.
D. I only know how to make takeout.
E. I’ll trade sexual favors to not have to cook, grocery shop, or think of food.
I’d like to eat dinner…
A. With you every night by 7 p.m. and talk about our respective days around the dinner table.
B. With you every night no later than 8:30 p.m., time and place TBD.
C. In front of the TV with my fingers while you’re still at work.
D. With my friends at a restaurant, but I’ll bring you takeout.
E. Every man for himself.
Sleep matters…
A. I’m an early riser but will bring you coffee in bed.
B. I’m a night owl and will make you stay up with me binge-watching Netflix because you love me…and I know your weak points.
C. Cuddling is something they made up in the movies—don’t touch me while I sleep.
D. I will hog the covers like a baller and leave you shivering in your pajamas.
E. You’ll have to work around my dog because he was here before you were.
If I’m sick…
A. Leave me the fuck alone.
B. Treat me like I’m seven and bring me grilled cheese, tomato soup, and ginger ale in bed.
C. Crawl into bed with me and get sick too so we can catch up on House of Cards.
D. Acknowledge that it sucks and buy me a present before abandoning me to save yourself.
E. I expect a stack of my favourite magazines and foods on my bedside table and for you to have queued up my favourite movies on the DVR.
AND FINALLY…
We should have a frank and open conversation about sex because…
A. We are best friends and should never be afraid to share who we are with each other no matter how embarrassing it may be because I am your safe place.
B. We are the only people we are supposed to have sex with for the rest of our lives.
C. I need to know what to get you for your birthday.
D. If we don’t it could lead to problems down the road that have a devastating effect on our marriage…and no one wants that.
E. That shit is real.
The truth about me is that I like porn…
A. More than you know.
B. More than anyone you’ve ever met.
C. Not at all.
D. Occasionally when paired with the right wine.
E. Less than I like extensive dental surgery.
If you’re into porn it will make me feel…
A. Like you’re a healthy human being in touch with their sexuality.
B. Like you’re a creep.
C. Like you’ll expect our sex life to be off the charts and crazy all the time.
D. Like I’m never going to be enough to satisfy you.
E. Less than sexy, unless you at least share or explain why you like it so I can get a better grasp on it and you. And maybe we can try it together rather than you alone.
As far as our sex life goes…
A. I’m game for anything, anytime, anywhere.
B. I like to go the more traditional route—indoors mostly, no kink.
C. 50 Shades of Grey is my bible.
D. I’d like to have one.
E. No animals watching.
F. No animals.
My libido is directly proportional to…
A. Our connection.
B. Your hotness.
C. Your paycheck.
D. My security in the relationship.
E. The testosterone that courses through my body.
