True Blood Recap: We see two of Sam Merlotte, lots of Alcide’s butt and many faerie daytime dresses

Last week we found out how vamps like to celebrate a coup d’état: get high with a little Lilith juice, trip out on the streets of New Orleans and have a bloody hallucination of lady God. Others had less of a good time: Hoyt joined the hillbilly vigilantes who are killing supes (and shot Sam and Luna), Lafayette found Jesus (well, his head) and almost got sacrificed, Alcide trained his lips on his second in command and Sookie found out there’s a limit to her fae powers. Let’s find out how the Lilith blood hangover feels…

Sam in the Mirror
– Thanks to Sam, the sheriff arrests a supe-hating redneck.
– A still-unhealed Luna shifts into Sam. (Is this a side effect of her antibiotics? She should just eat some yogurt and get her good bacteria back up.)
– Jessica is captured by the rednecks so Hoyt can exact payback on her as some kind of initiation into the club. He gives Jessica a speech about how she wronged him, but frees her regardless.
– Hoyt leaves Jessica at the house, but gets lost and is picked up by someone in a truck with a gun. (So that could be anyone in Bon Temps, pretty much.)
– Sheriff Andy, Sam and Luna-Sam come to Jessica’s rescue, and Luna-Sam sniffs out a Cheeto-loving lady as recently having been at the house. (Britney Spears?)
– Luna-Sam is maybe dying and she and Sam have a heart to heart (or a Sam to Sam) and then his kiss turns her back into Luna like a fairy tale—but not really, as she throws up.
– Alcide and Rikki have taken to training in the bedroom, and she gets him to ask her to be his girlfriend. We guess “second in command” wasn’t enough of a commitment.
– It’s the packmaster battle between JD and Alcide (rhymey names!) and the old guy has a sick V-fueled plan to murder the local track star, but Alcide intervenes and the two fight until Martha stops JD with a mom speech. JD tells Alcide to find a new pack.

Read the rest of our recap »

Got Their Fillith
– The vamp ravers return to Authority HQ and Russell is giving us shades of Phil Spector craziness with his hair, while Eric is the lame one who wants to go to bed and leaves everyone to hang out with their blood mustaches.
– Salome invites Bill for dinner, but he doesn’t want to eat moms. (He’s a momitarian, har har.) Salome tells him that refusing is blasphemy, so he digs in.
– Eric tries to talk sense into his 600-year-old born-again sister, but Nora thinks Godric was an apologist in his final days and doesn’t care what he thinks.
– At the what-should-we-do-next Authority meeting, Russell is giving Steve Newlin tips on gay vamp hotspots but gets scolded by Salome who wants suggestions on breaking down the mainstreamers. Eric sits there like a bored dad watching his daughter gossip with her friends at McDonald’s. Bill suggests bombing the TruBlood factories so mainstreamers have to feed on humans. Eric is shocked, but Bill’s just evolving, dude.
– It’s a Farewell My Concubine theme night at Fangtasia so Tara and Pam have on their best chinoiserie corsets. While Tara certainly looks like she’s being a bit insensitive to stereotypes in the get-up, there’s an even more racist old high school chum harassing her. (Seriously, this girl gets a lot of jerk visitors while she’s on the clock.)
– Pam chains up Tara’s bigoted high school nemesis so she can be Tara’s “unpaid food whore.” The Christmas bonus came early!

Nora’s guide to going nun
Is it just us, or does it seem like Nora is acting a little sanctimonious? She’s even got sort of a seminary look going with the long black dress, though Lilith forbid she not show some cleavage with a keyhole neckline! We like the silhouette, but we’re going navy with this A.L.C. maxi ($316, just so there’s no confusion about our piety.

Drinking Spirits
– Sookie is trying to pump and dump her powers, but stops after Jason gives her an after-school-special talk about being an individual and that they need her powers to catch the vamp that killed their parents.
– Claude and his Claude-ladies take Jason and Sookie to the site of her parent’s death to conjure up what happened. Sookie sees everything and somehow gets into the head of the murderous vamp, Warlow, too. Later that night, his “essence” shows up in Sookie’s bathroom to say he’s coming for her.
– On the way home from Mexico, Lafayette heals his bloody lips with a little V and then gets a visit from Jesus. (We wish Polysporin made us hallucinate our dead lovers, too.)
– Holly and Arlene have come up with a Save Terry plan but have not made the requisite shirts with his face a la Save Winona. They need LaLa’s help to trick Terry into thinking the curse has been lifted by his mediuming, but Lafayette just wants to smoke a blunt and chill.
– Terry and Patrick show up to Arlene and Holly’s séance With Lafayette to contact the Ifrit lady on the other side. But the lady spirit interrupts his fakery by jumping into his body and sharing that, for the curse to go, one of them has to kill the other. Sophie’s Choice! Pat runs out so we’re guessing he’s not volunteering.

Claud-elle, -ette, -atina, -etc.’s guide to daytime dressing in the human world
When you spend your evenings wearing what barely passes for underwear, you may not have realistic ideas about appropriate daytime dressing. Thankfully, the ladies covered up and just wore a lot of unnecessary sparkle, like a sheer sequin top ($57, with a sequin skirt ($47, and practical cowboy boots.

Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m. on HBO Canada.

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