True Blood Recap: We flashback to Alcide’s teen years and see dragon robes worn in a so very un-Proenza Schouler way

The last time we rode the TB rollercoaster, Hoyt joined the redneck supe killer troop then quit it to save Jessica, then get Hoytnapped. Both Sookie and Lafayette tapped into spirits for some truth from the other side (for Sookie, to find out a vamp named Warlow killed her folks, while for LaLa, to be told by the Ifrit lady that Pat and Terry had to kill one or the other to settle their debt). Luna turned into Sam and there was talk of her dying. And Bill had the MVV (most valuable vampire) idea of blowing up the TruBlood factories to force mainstreaming vamps back to the vein. For last night’s ups and downs, lets get the little ones out of the way first…

Loaded Guns
-Terry gives Arlene a dramatic (albeit brief) speech and kisses her goodbye to go fight Patrick in a may the best man win battle.
-Arlene is wearing a beautiful satiny hooded sweatshirt to open Merlotte’s, when Patrick holds her hostage at gunpoint (not for crimes of fashion, surprisingly).
-Terry comes to save his lady, but Arlene ends up saving him. Terry shoots Patrick and the Ifrit takes Patrick’s body, so they don’t even have to bother burying him! The mob needs an Ifrit “cleaner.”
-On a road trip we get “Alcide The Teen Years”: Alcide’s dad looks like Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots, Young Debbie Pelt looks like Topanga from Boy Meets World and Young Alcide looks like the We Need To Talk About Kevin Kevin.
-Alcide shows up at his gambling pappy’s trailer to drink a beer and Alcide is like “I’m nothing like you!” because obviously there’s some daddy issues for us to explore.
-Russell gives the Shreveport pack some blood, and punishes abstainer Martha by taking puppy Emma as a pressie for his new bestie (lover?) Rev. Steve.

Read the rest of the recap »

Cold Blood
-Bill’s plan of burning down TruBlood factories is a success, and the Authority inner circle feast on a (very!) naked guy.
-Pam (who has a flawless bun and surprisingly well-executed makeup for Concubine Night) gives an amazing pep talk to Tara (who is not the Gayle to her Oprah) about what to do while there’s a TruBlood drought.
– Eric and Molly (the teckie vamp) want to escape the Authority but need Bill’s help. Eric plays the Sookie card to snap Bill out of his religious reverie and convince him to escape along with.
-Nora is praying in a pretty purple cut out dress, and Eric asks her to teach him how to believe. (It’s all very serious and we wish Eric would break into George Michael’s Faith and dance like him in the video, is that wrong?)
-Salome does a sexy topless dance, tells Bill they’ll rule the world together and they have hallucinogenic, bite-y sex.
-Pam finds a dude who looks like he’s watched The Crow too many times sitting in her chair, but it’s just the newly appointed Sheriff of Area 5, who tells her the Authority has lifted the ban on feeding on humans and for everyone to dig in; a one feather earringed Tara looks at Pam like, “what now Oprah?”
-Eric drugs Nora and he and Molly go to escape, but there’s Bill and Salome (in the night’s other dress with cut outs) and guards to intercept. Bill’s excuse for the double cross: This is what God wants. Eric’s led away in cuffs glaring, Bill looks piously at him and obediently at Salome, Salome kind of smirks. (Eric really needs George Michael’s Revenge leather jacket now!)

The Authority’s guide to theme dressing
Thought Tara and Pam were the only duo capable of coordinating? Salome and Nora both indulged in some flashes of skin, and for once they’re not wearing black. This BCBG dress ($178, echoes Nora’s neckline (buddy not included).

Sweetie Pie
-Lafayette is admiring his lash extensions in Sookie’s mirror rather than trying to contact Warlow, however he does channel Adele Stackhouse who nudges them to a memory box under the bed (which we are surprised Sookie’s OCD cleaning has never found previously). We even get gmail for ghosts and Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost jokes from Lala!
-Whenever we see Sheriff Dearborn we wonder where his brothers are—at his place Sookie gets panned trying to find out what he knows about her parents’ death.
-Sookie wakes up in a pigsty (an actual one, not a messy house like Jason’s) along with a drugged Hoyt. She tries to get her zappers going, but they’re on the fritz. Bud explains why he’s killing supes — it’s all his unsolved cases they’re responsible for.
-Andy and Jason figure out Bud Dearborn is The Dragon after spotting his fancy cowboy boots in a Supe Klux Klan video. Turns out Bud isn’t the Dragon though: it’s a big boned gal named Sweetie Des Arts (a character pulled from Charlaine Harris’ novels []), and she wears an ill-fitting satin kimono with a dragon on the back, natch.
-Sweetie, Bud and the rednecks are going to feed Sookie and Hoyt to the pigs, but luckily one of them pigs is Sam. We haven’t seen a naked fight since Eastern Promises but we get one from Sam (and Luna who chases down Sweetie) until Andy, Jason and the Bon Temps Swat come to his rescue shooting Bud. But is Hoyt dead by swine? We’re guessing no one will be eating bacon for a while in Bon Temps either way.
-Claude and two of his sisters bring Sookie some sexy soup and tell her how vamps are the ones blowing up the factories. Ruh Roh, Sookie.

Sweetie’s guide to literal loungewear
Not sure what came first, the nickname or the robe, but it is clear Sweetie wants to enforce her cool name by wearing a dragon. Her robe makes her look like she escaped from a rub n’ tug, why not a dragon print scarf dress with kimono sleeves from Ivanka Trump ($60, — comfy and classy, Sweetie.

Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m. on HBO Canada.

More Celebrity