TIFF 2011: Learn how not to pose for the photog from these celeb gaffes

1. The “shut up, and kiss me” What It Is: Arms cast wildly around your man’s shoulders, lips locked, eyes squeezed completely shut. For extra drama, make like TomKat and turn the red carpet into a figure-skating competition. Or be super generous and offer your beau a cheek. If he doesn’t get the point (don’t just look at it—smooch it!) apply pressure to his lower back and mutter break-up threats under your breath. What They’re Going For: “We’re in love.” What They’re Getting: “We’re really desperate to have you believe we’re in love.” Usual Suspects: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes How To Avoid It: If you want to express your true feelings for your partner, there are many ways to do it other than sucking face on film. Hold hands, look at one another lovingly, or go on Oprah and jump up and down like a maniac on the sofa. The options are endless! PDA never translates well in a photograph, so save the butterfly kisses for the boudoir and keep it G-rated for the camera.

2. The “I’m having, like, so much fun right now!" What it is: You know the one. Mouth wide open, eyes squinting, head tossed back in what appears to be a fit of unbridled laughter. Are the photographers shouting knock-knock jokes from behind the velvet rope? Probably not. So why the cackle fest? What They’re Going For: Lively What They’re Getting: Lunatic Usual Suspect: Kate Hudson How To Avoid It: Everyone likes to appear carefree and happy in photos, and a candid shot of a legitimate giggle every once in a while can be charming. But if you want to look cheerful and perky for the camera, why not a try that old thing called a smile? We’ve heard it’s actually quite popular and effective.

3. The “cheeky duckling” What It Is: Thin is in, apparently. So rather than a smile, you’re just gonna bite your cheeks until they bleed in an effort to make yourself look thinner. Usually this is accompanied by an extreme pout, also known as the Duck Face. What They’re Going For: “I haven’t eaten in days...” What They’re Getting: “... but I’m snacking on the inside of my face right now, so I’m good.” Usual Suspect: Keira Knightley How To Avoid It: The camera adds 10 pounds, or so they say. If your goal is to appear more svelte in pictures, try crossing one leg in front of the other, with your body turned about 45 degrees away from the camera. Paying attention to your posture, raise your chin and slightly push it forward, while placing one hand on your hip. This elongates the neck, thins out the face, and makes your arm and shoulder look more slender.

4. The “that burrito was a bad idea” What It Is: Lips pursed, forcing a smile, eyes glazed and a little bit panicked, kind of like when nature calls, and there’s nowhere for you to, ahem, answer the phone? What They’re Going For: Mysterious What They’re Getting: Metamucil overdose Usual Suspect: Mary Kate Olsen How To Avoid It: A little allure never hurt anybody. After all, secrets can be sexy. However, your secret shouldn’t be that your diaper’s full. So, rather than appearing to be in immense pain, why not relax your lips and let them open up a bit. Also, blink loosely and relax your brow. That naturally turns a harsh stare into a softer gaze.

5. The “I’m single, so I’ll kiss you” What It Is: Gotta give it up for the fans, right? Well, if you had a date you’d be giving it up for him later. But, alas, no dice. You’re solo. Bat those lashes à la Marilyn Monroe and blow a grateful kiss toward the hoards who came out to criticize your outfit– er, support your film. This looks glam, right? Wrong. What They’re Going For: Old Hollywood What They’re Getting: Old Maid Usual Suspect: Eva Mendes. How To Avoid It: Our guess is that Mendes was at a loss. What should she be doing with her hands once she’s worn out the slow wave? Easy! Casually slip your hands into your pockets, or if you don’t have pockets, hold them behind your back, or place them on your hips. Blowing kisses at strangers is very much like taking candy from them: never acceptable. Did your mother teach you nothing?