Project Runway All Stars recap: Austin has a wristlet pincushion, Kenley is awful as usual, and Rami is a lumpy mess

The Challenge

For some reason, the designers are given their challenge by way of a bunch of handbags. I suspect this was drummed up by a producer who wanted to see Angela stagger onto the runway with eight purses.

Going head-to-head is an old trick from the Project Runway archives (remember the birds from season 9?), but the looseness of this challenge doesn’t bode well for exciting outfits. The challenge is basically just to make some seasonal sportswear and “know who your girl is.” Snoooozeville.

In another attempt to make Kenley look awful, Kenley assists in making herself look awful. It’s like they’ve saved up all her annoying tendencies for this episode and here they are, piercing laugh and all. Her face-off with Mondo seems ripe for drama, but all I want are killer outfits, killer outfits!

Austin, channeling one of the Designing Women, shudders at the thought of working head to head with Kara. Kara seems nonplussed. I’m Anxious Too, Guys +5

Mondo’s acting a bit snide this week? I don’t like snide Mondo—I prefer it when he’s weeping over his talent being a curse.

What happened to all those bags I wonder? Where Are They, I Want to Know! -2

In the Workroom

Kara and Austin have the best competitive banter. They’re both too gentle to actually be mean. Why can’t the others be like them?

Get a load of Austin’s wristlet pincushion—ruby red and rhinestones. I believe it may be a gussied up version of this one if you want to hitch your wagon to the Scarlett car. Much Better Than Glitterlimes +7

This tension between Mondo, Michael, and Jerell is pretty lame. I don’t know why Mondo continues to defend Michael when it seems obvious that he was influenced by Jerell’s design.

In a rare gesture towards actual mentorship, Joanna’s group chat idea is the best thing she’s done in weeks. Hearing the designers address one another openly rather than in whispers beside a dress form is refreshing. It’s So Mature! +15

But: Joanna’s Hair -5

On the Runway

Despite the fact that we’re now into the cream of the All Stars crop, I found this runway show to be a little on the dull side. To paraphrase Isaac, I wouldn’t want to go drinking with any of these girls (or was it have lunch?). I do still want to go tippling with Austin, and that is in no small part due to the fact that he’s perfectly coordinated with his model.

Kenley’s jumpsuit is, of course, derivative of everything she’s done on either show, but it fits like an absolute dream.

Rami’s look is a lumpy mess and those colours are terrible separately and together.

Mila’s cloak hangs a bit oddly, maybe because of those armholes, but overall the outfit’s pretty luxurious looking. Good for Mila!

And then the most contentious outfits! While I get what Michael says about Jerell’s being Moses-y, I like Jerell’s better for the texture and volume of it. Michael’s looks a bit dull—a sort of department store top-to-bottom attempt at elegance. I dunno, is this another dropped stitch for Michael?

Guest judge Cynthia Rowley’s going pretty hard on Mondo! Thankfully Georgina steps in to offer some beauty rational observations.

Angela talks to the contestants like they don’t speak English and are hard-of-hearing. Will someone please send her to find those eight handbags?

Another thing about Angela: Why did she tell Austin that he’d missed the mark again? Austin was in the top three last week, was on the low end for the Miss Piggy challenge, and won the challenge prior. Is she trying to make him guilty for consistently showing good work and providing some much-needed levity to the program? Give Austin a break! He teaches me how to love. So Hard to Bear -10

The Verdict

Jerell won, which must’ve made him feel very smug indeed. Unfortunately, the axe fell for Rami; kind, muscular Rami. Obviously I’m happy that Austin’s safe, but Rami was a calming presence in the workroom; a grown-up amongst what sometimes seems like a group of sniping, snipping teenagers.

This challenge, while not being that conceptually exciting, showed pretty distinctly the handicaps and strengths of the eight (now seven) designers. Kara and Austin are virtual opposites—Austin tending to go overboard while Kara whittles her work down to a plainness that could be read as style-free. Mondo’s overconfidence causes him to recycle his own older designs with less care; Kenley sticks to her tunnel vision, virtually rejecting any fabric or silhouette that doesn’t scream her name. Mila struck out into some unknown territory with that camel cape. The design itself wasn’t outstanding, but this is the first time Mila’s shown some of the cleverness that made her an early frontrunner in season seven.

Next week! Austin is wearing an argyle sweater, which makes me nervous. Pre-emptive -3

Total: A Good Solid 10.