CNTM Episode 7: Eau de toilette

Photography by Mike Ruiz

Photography by Mike Ruiz

In this episode Miss J arrives and the girls get familiar with toilet paper.  It’s the final four and it’s getting fun.

There’s always an up side: Nikita thinks it really sucks that Heather’s gone, but Meaghan’s quite happy that no one’s going to get them confused anymore. Note that I accidentally typed Heather several times during this recap. Sorry Meaghan.

Casual Jay!: His Silverness arrives with two cups of coffee. “You know I don’t drink no damn coffee.” Enter: Miss J Alexander, which means, says Linsay, “It’s time for runway.” So of course the girls have to walk the runway in their bra and panties.

Best impression of Richie Rich doing an impression of Chuck Bass: Meaghan and her lip pursing.

Ummm…: Miss J says that Nikita’s walk is “Come follow me boys” but I don’t think he means “follow.”

The best real-life experience: Next, the girls have to walk in super-tight pencil skirts, which is a good thing as we’ve seen more than one designer unintentionally hobble a catwalker. Linsay kills it and Miss J cannot believe she’s not a pro already.

Wait: Is Miss J not wearing pants? Well, that does seem to be what the kids are doing these days…

Cue toilet humour: The girls are wrapped in bathroom tissue. Whoever tears their dress the least, wins. It’s worth noting that Miss J is wearing an off-the-shoulder TP tent dress with a giant pink bow.

Actually: The real challenge is walk in toilet paper “couture” created for charity by Canadian designers. In the house today: Lucian Matis, David Dixon, Thien Le, Joyce Gunhouse of Comrags

Never would have seen that coming: The girls are lectured and lectured not to touch the gowns. Maryam then proceeds to “help” by tearing Linsay’s dress.

Never would have seen this coming either: The coven of witches circles—“These are totally the things I wish Jay could see,” says Nikita. Meaghan: “And why Heather should still be here.” Plus they talk to Maryam as if she were a child.

Meanwhile, on the runway: The actual runway/judge criticisms are incidental compared to all the ripping drama backstage. Meaghan has to hold her dress up and Maryam looks at the floor. Yawn.

Winner: Linsay, who gets to go shoe shopping at Holt Renfrew with “the most beautiful of Js.” She manages to find four pairs of shoes at Holts for her $1,000 prize.

Classiest move: Nikita and Meaghan make fun of Maryam in the confessional, mocking her accent and her mannerisms. Meaghan exits and discovers Maryam has been nearby, so she says “Love you!” and then has a little guilt trip, to which my husband said, “Whatever. If you’re going to be bitchy about somebody, don’t feel bad about it after.”

Challenge: Mike “Guns” Ruiz is shooting the girls for a CoverGirl ad. The winner of the contest will have their picture run in a CG campaign.

Just in case you forgot how edgy she is: “It’s almost expected of me to not get it,” says Nikita of her perceived lack of compatibility with the CoverGirl look.

Tyra would be so proud: Linsay and Maryam do really well. Soft and pretty with lots of eye smiling. Not such a surprise for Linsay, but Maryam’s look can be…intense.

Worst jinx: Mike says the shoot “should be a walk in the park” for Meaghan. Which means it won’t be.

And it’s not: Hair and makeup issues lead to “Swiss Miss” and “scarecrow” references. This causes Meaghan to cry and generally psych herself out. The resulting facial expression can only be described as somewhere between a sneer and a spasm.

What happened to the guilt? Maryam tries to comfort Meaghan, who proceeds to make fun of her for the camera.

Taking the edge off: Nikita gets bangs extensions, which really soften her up.

Oh stop it: “Fat asses can look like cover girls,” says Nikita

Pop quiz: At judging, Jay asks, “Can you guess what I’m going to ask you to do?” The girls answer with a feeble “Runway.”

Today’s headslap moment: Maryam looks down—again!—when she does her walk because she “forgot” to look up. M, I like you, but really, pull it together.

Best bit of professional perspective: The judges tell Meaghan that hair and makeup problems have nothing to do with her. Yasmin declares that she’s “not going to last at all” if she’s always breaking down. Also, the judges don’t seem to think her mouth is awkward in the shot, but it SO IS.

Yep: “Drop the self-deprecation,” Mike says to Nikita. “It’s boring.”

The toilet paper hits the fan: Jay brings up that one of the dresses was ripped and an all too predictable fight breaks out between Maryam and the other girls. Not the best thing to do in front of people who are deciding your fate. Backstage they lay into her again. Maryam should have been honest, but they are all being so condescending.

The panel: Jeanne’s not happy that Maryam blatantly lied and has missed so much; Mike thinks she’s the front-runner. Yasmin thinks Linsay doesn’t have the “it factor.” The judges like Nikita’s and Meaghan’s pictures, but not their various insecurities. Miss J points out that a large number of working models are, in fact, “cuckoo.”

Follow-up question: “What’s harder to overcome–a complicated life or a lack of confidence?”

Shed a tear for: Maryam

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