We Got Self-Pleasuring Tips from a Sex Educator

If Lizzo is right and we really are our own soulmates, it’s time to seriously re-evaluate the way we’re getting ourselves off. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, there’s really no better time to make a date night with yourself and do some, ahem, field research.

“Your sexual pleasure is a journey, not a destination,” says Toronto-based sexual health and consent educator Samantha Bitty. “What got you off in 2010 might not get you off in 2020.” Translation: try new things.

It’s also important to rethink what self-pleasuring really means for you, she stresses. When we think about masturbation, we often only think about genitals, says Bitty, but there are so many other erogenous zones on the body to explore. Another major reason why society needs to broaden its definition of self-pleasuring: For many folks, including some people living with physical disabilities, those who have experienced sexual trauma or body dysmorphia, or who are undergoing surgeries, genitalia isn’t a place associated with pleasure.

“Maybe brushing your hair feels good, or touching your mouth, nipples, elbows or knees,” Bitty says. Don’t be afraid to explore different stimuli, too, like feathers or clamps. “I invite everyone to just feel themselves up and see what actually turns you on. The same way we receive messages saying ‘don’t do it,’ we can also get messages from our bodies saying ‘this is how you do it.’”

Masturbation is also key to consent culture, says Bitty. According to Planned Parenthood, touching yourself helps you figure out what you like sexually, which then helps you to more easily identify if something isn’t right for you in a partnered situation. Plus, research shows that masturbation helps you sleep better, reduces stress and improves your self-esteem.

To avoid getting bored with your self-satisfaction routine, keep things exciting! If you’ve had the same vibrator for 15 years, you may be missing out (technology has come a long way, friends).

With that in mind, here are six toys and accessories to have some fun with while you explore. Happy Valentine’s Day, indeed!

For the environmentally-conscious:

Made from specially toughened, non-porous glass, this eco-friendly double-ended dildo is ideal for internal stimulation and external massage (just don’t forget the lube).

Unbound Gem, $46, unboundbabes.com

For the tech enthusiast:

This magical toy, with six intensity levels, uses suction and air waves to lead to multiple orgasms. It’s also waterproof and has a very convenient silent mode.

Womanizer Pro40, $139, womanizer.com

For the sensualist:

Explore what feels good for you with light strokes and touches using this sexy feather accessory.

Pleasure Feather, $15, goodforher.com

For the exhibitionist:

This super simple vibrator made from stainless steel has a rounded tip and offers four speeds. If you’re feeling bold, wear it around your neck with the included 26” chain.

Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace, $95, amazon.ca

For the traveler:

Waterproof and travel-friendly, this trusted powerful wand offers three intensity levels as well as three vibration patterns. It’s also free from BPA, phthalate and latex.

Vibratex Mystic Wand, $90, venusenvy.ca

For the multi-tasker:

Featuring a tip that has a curved side and a flat side, this compact G-spot vibrator does double duty as a clitoral massager.

Lelo Gigi 2, $179, lelo.com

For the romantic:

This hypoallergenic lubricating gel is made with naturally derived ingredients like peppermint oil and menthol to increase arousal and stimulation without glycerin or parabens.

Sliquid Organics Stimulating O Gel, $24, sliquid.com