How to dress like a wealthy recluse: 5 essential items to mourn summer’s end in style

Date August 27, 2014

Recluse fashion — Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond in *Sunset Boulevard*. Photography via IMDB

Summer’s coming to an unwelcome end, and as they say, the time is right… for hiding in your home and never ever going into the streets. Not for dancing, not for ice cream, not for nothin’. Is there anything more glamourous than a recluse? Sure some of them might be suffering from agoraphobia, or working on a rapidly growing collection of jars of their own pee, or watching their stately home crumble around them, but can we fault the fashion? We cannot. Here’s how to spend the waning days of summer dressed like a wealthy recluse—take these outfits anywhere you’d like, although they work best when surrounded by cats and a thick patina of nostalgia for your own wasted youth. Happy dressing!

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Recluse fashion

A Vibrant Caftan:

A recluse classic. Age gracefully under yards and yards of fabric in a pattern that says, “I know how to use vermouth.” The caftan has been the summer outfit of choice for fabulous old ladies, divas of the stage and screen, and divorcees from Palm Springs since its inception at a key party in 1962. God bless the caftan.

Emilio Pucci printed silk-charmeuse caftan ($1,705, net-a-porter.com)

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Recluse fashion

Sunglasses Larger Than Your Face:

All the better to hide from fence-climbing paparazzi, my dear.

Kuboraum sunglasses ($490, karireyewear.com)

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Recluse fashion

Many Luxurious Scarves:

Hermes! Gucci! Your great-grandmother’s closet! Value Village! It doesn’t matter where you got ’em, the point is to be wearing at least three at any given time. On your head, 1950s-starlet-in-a-convertible style, wrapped around your purse funky-mom-at-the-mall style, or around your neck, just-a-regular-scarf style.

Hermes zebra Pegasus silk scarf ($420, hermes.com)

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Recluse fashion

Costume Jewellery

Look, you can’t go swimming in real sapphires, but it’s important that you look like you are possibly LITERALLY dripping in gems. Enter costume jewellery, the glorious, gaudy cousin of “expensive, high quality jewellery.” Stock up on some cheap baubles at Claire’s or Ardene or whatever and then use the shiny reflections of light from your faux diamonds to signal the pool boy for another drink in your private chateau.

Crystal feather collar ($48, baublebar.com)

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