Justin Bieber’s List of Reported Tour Demands Will Make You Feel Really, Really Basic

“Mark [Our] Words”—when you’re Justin Bieber, “Life Is [truly] Worth Living,” especially when you have the ability to make absurd tour demands, some of which just make “No Sense.”

“What Do [We] Mean?"

"[We’ll] Show You.”

According to a reportedly leaked tour rider, Biebs wants to make sure he’s kept comfortable “All Around The World” (or, at least in India, where he is heading next for his Purpose World Tour) with things such as a “licensed female masseuse specially flown in from Kerala” (to keep him “Company,” perhaps?), a jacuzzi for “Bieber’s personal use to unwind before he takes the stage,” a private helicopter to bring him from his hotel to the concert venue (“a first in the history”) and a room “adorned with purple carnations” because purple is his favourite colour.

NBD.

But you better “Believe” that’s not all.

The 23-year-old pop star is also requesting a “special Indian Yoga Casket containing aromatic essential oils, “a dressing room draped entirely with white curtains and, our personal fave, “top culinary experts” serving gourmet food with “5 dishes per day being renamed after his popular songs.” (And now you understand why we keep including Bieber songs throughout this post...“Sorry.”)

There are some pretty normal, not-so-outlandish requests, though.

When it comes to grooming, the Biebs only requires Dove bodywash (no word on which one exactly) and “hydrating lip balms.”

All of this and more is what will keep Justin “happy,” so to all of the people responsible for making these requests happen: “No Pressure.”  

Check out the full list of alleged demands below and prepare to feel basic AF.