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4 Thoughts on Jennifer Lawrence’s New Boyfriend

Jennifer Lawrence has a new boyfriend! How you feel about this fact—or whether you care at all—depends on how you feel about J.Law. There used to be consensus that we all liked her. But maybe that’s changed? Where are we at with Jennifer Lawrence? Backlashes and backlashes to the backlashes all happen so quickly these days, I can’t remember where we landed. Do we not like her because we’re super savvy media consumers who totally see through her ‘Just a regular girl’ shtick? Or, do we like her because what we thought was a shtick is probably pretty authentic and who are we to make assumptions about people we’ve never actually spent time with in person?

Either way, she has a new boyfriend! His name is Cooke Maroney, and he’s an art guy. Like he’s known in art circles, but he’s not famous or anything. Still, even without commenting on whether we’re happy for our pretend best friend or ugh, so sick of hearing about her life, we have some thoughts about this new beau. Or, at least some thoughts about his name.

Thought 1

You know how on The Good Wife and Law and Order, when they don’t want to pay to use the name of a big, IRL company, they make up their own brands? Google in The Good Wife is called Chumhum and Facebook in the Law and Order universe is called FaceUnion? Anyway, Cooke Maroney sounds like the Law and Order version of like Ben Mulroney.

Thought 2

A game I like to play when I am bored and having difficulty making conversation with whoever I’m with who is clearly not pulling their own conversational weight is: think of names that are also professions or jobs.

– Hunter
– Taylor (though spelled differently).
– Parker (I mean, they are typically called a valet, but same difference).
– Bishop
– Scout
– Prince

And now, thanks to Jennifer Lawrence’s boyfriend, I can add another name to that list. Cooke! Who knew!

Thought 3

I had a teacher in high school who hyphenated his last name along with his wife. Which makes me think: if Jen and Cooke get married and Cooke is all cool and progressive (he is in the art world, after all) he could hyphenate his name along with her. Only, it would work best if her name went last. Then his name would be Cooke Moroney Law, which is great because Cooke Moroney almost sounded like a law firm on its own. But throw Law at the end, and it’s unmistakeable.

Thought 4

Another game I like to play with names (because a person can never have too many name-based games—what if you’re out of data, for example?) is seeing how many full names I can string together, Venn diagram-style.

Ex. Stockard Channing Tatum O’Neal Patrick Harris…son Ford Maddox Ford.

I’ve been working on that one for a while. But, Mr. Maroney here has inspired me. Granted, these people are less famous than the previous example, but they are all still public figures.

Sandra O. Henry James Ray Charles Darwin Cooke Maroney

(Apologies that my name chains aren’t very inclusive.)