Episode 18: Au revoir, L.A.

Teen Vogue. Lisa Love calls Whitney into her office and nonchalantly informs her that she’s going back to Paris to work at the annual Crillon Ball. I suspect she delivers her pronouncements so matter-of-factly just to see Whitney’s surprised facial expressions, and this remark earns her a good one: Whitney’s eyes almost pop out of her head. “What about Lauren? Is she coming?” Whitney asks. “I think Lauren had her chance to go to Paris,” Lisa replies.

Bolthouse. Kimberly approaches Heidi in the break room, asks her what’s going on, and is probably sorry she asked when Heidi launches into a recap of her most recent spat with Spencer. “I feel like I’m in a relationship with a five-year-old,” Heidi says. Five, Heidi, really? That’s kindergarten age! Don’t you think you’re giving Spencer a little too much credit?

Teen Vogue. Lauren breezes into the office, surprised to find Whitney there so early. “Lisa wanted to see me, and I actually just found out I’m going to Paris,” Whitney says. “Again?” Lauren asks, suddenly looking a lot less chipper. “For what?” As Whitney explains what she’ll be doing in France, Lauren looks on the verge of tears. “Are they sending anybody else?” she asks, hopefully, and Whitney lets her down gently: “I don’t think so… obviously if I had my choice, I would want you there with me.” Lauren knows that this is her own fault for turning down Lisa’s initial trip offering in favor of moving into a beach house with her now ex-boyfriend. “Stupid Jason,” she mutters, two years too late.

Restaurant. Steph joins Spencer for lunch. She can barely hide her delight at the news that he ran home to their parents, yet again, after another fight with Heidi. “What did Mom and Dad say?” Steph asks. “I’m an idiot,” Spencer replies. The Pratt parents sound awesome, so it’s too bad they don’t actually exist, what with these two being created in an evil laboratory and all. “Have you talked to [Heidi]?” Steph asks, and Spencer shakes his head. “This is bad,” Steph says. “You’ve gotta send her an e-mail or something.” Right, because e-mail is so personal and is the perfect medium for state-of-the-relationship discussions!

Spencer’s no genius, but at least he’s smart enough to ignore his sister’s advice, instead heading over to Bolthouse to see Heidi in person. The receptionist recognizes him this time, but his good luck ends there; it’s Kimberly, not Heidi, who comes out to see him. “She left,” Kim lies. “If I were you, I would call her.” Defeated, Spencer leaves.

Teen Vogue. Whitney’s making a list of clothing she needs for Paris. “Have you ever been there in this time of year before?” Whitney asks. “I’ve never been,” Lauren replies, hanging her head sadly as Whitney tries to extricate her foot from her mouth. Luckily, Lisa Love’s in the mood for another surprise announcement – she calls Lauren into her office and informs her that she will be needed in Paris after all. “Thank you so much,” Lauren says, beaming. “Go [to the airport] with Whitney; she’ll make sure you get on the plane,” Lisa jokes.

Restaurant. Lauren excitedly tells Brody that she’s going to Paris, but he doesn’t share her glee. “It’s really nice to know that you’re not going to miss me at all,” he jokes passive-aggressively. Two can play that game: “Why are you sad your single friend’s leaving?” Lauren asks. “There’s a lot of single people in L.A.” “There’s a lot of single people in Paris, too,” Brody replies. “Stinky people, with hairy armpits.” Lauren smirks. “Those are just the girls, I think,” she counters. Brody assures her that the guys are equally stinky. “I’ll find a Parisian that showers,” Lauren jokes, and Brody is suddenly serious: “So, what, you really wanna find a boyfriend, is that what it is?” Lauren, along with everyone watching the show, wonders where that came from. “I just haven’t had the best relationships in the past, so therefore I’m scared to get into a relationship,” Brody finally confesses. “Nobody’s had the best relationships in the past; that’s why they end,” Lauren says wisely.

Speaking of relationships that should end: Spencer finally corners Heidi at home. “Well, hello, stranger,” he says. “Thought you’d change the locks on me.” Heidi, mentally cursing herself for not thinking of that, continues packing a suitcase. “I think I’m just gonna go home for a little bit,” she says. “It’s not working. I need some space.”

Hillside Villas. Lauren demonstrates her mad French skills (she can say bonjour, bonsoir, and je m’appelle) for Audrina, fills a suitcase with shoes, and hugs her roommate goodbye. Brody is waiting outside to help her lift her huge suitcases into her car. “I think the trunk’s broken; it’s not closing,” he jokes, and Lauren almost slams his fingers in the trunk, she’s so determined to get to the airport. She gives him a quick kiss goodbye, and she’s off. We see her right onto the plane this time… and as she announced on the after show, it’s not over – soon we’ll see her in Paris!

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