7 beauty trends we sincerely hope will stay back in 2014

Photography by Steve Granitz/WireImage
Photography by Steve Granitz/WireImage

A new year brings with it the promise of new trends, new looks, and a new Drake album (although that’s a post for another day). But in order to make room for the aforementioned splendour, a few former beauty go-tos need to clear out.

It’s true: there just isn’t enough room for all beauty trends to co-exist. So while we tip our hats to the influence they had over the last 365 days, we must ask that their existence remains in the past. Or, at the very least, give us a break — some of us just look terrible with an undercut.

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Photography by Mike Pont/FilmMagic

1. Undercuts
If you can carry off an undercut, you are a mythical being who I admire greatly. However, the majority of us are just regular people who, thanks to flawless humans like Natalie Dormer who shaved part of her head for her role in Mockingjay, know we will never look good with anything other than a full head of hair. So I’ll put it like this: if you can do it, then carry on. (For you, it’s not a trend — it’s a victory.) But for those who put pressure on the rest of us to adopt a look we’re doomed to fail in? There aren’t enough Mockinjay salutes in the world for us to try.

2. Rainbow hair
Let me be perfectly clear: as a regular wearer of hair chalk, I’m comfortable supporting any and all temporary hair chalk movements. But the all-over dye we saw in 2014 poses a problem. First, to make sure it takes, you have to bleach your hair constantly (which, DIY dyers of yesteryear know is an irreversible, often-damaging choice). Second, the regular application of both dye and bleach is guaranteed to leave your hair straw-like and sad. Does it look cool? Sure! But so did old-school ironed locks. And at least the latter didn’t leave us all looking like characters in the Kim Kardashian game. We just looked like wannabe Gwyneth Paltrows. And that’s also a post for another day.

3. The lob
For the last time, it’s called a bob. And we’ve been wearing them consequence-free for years until a cute name came along and made it a thing. Now, our beautiful, safe, impossible-to-mess-up hairstyle has been branded with the it-label, meaning that soon, it will be “over” and we’ll be told to “update.” Well no thank you. Get out of here, lob. It’s a long bob, and its nameless majesty will outlive us all.

4. Extreme nail art and accent nails
If you like nail decals, if you like painted-on designs, and if you like experimenting with colours, breathe easy: this isn’t for you. But something happened in 2014. No longer was it enough to simply plaster a Beyoncé sticker on your nails and throw your hands up like that grateful emoji. All of a sudden, we needed hardware. And length. And hardware on length, with metallics, with decals, topped with the galaxy from the first Men in Black film. Nails got thirsty in 2014. Dial it down, 2015. And please also let’s set those accent nails free.

Photography by Steve Granitz/WireImage

5. Too-heavy contouring
Let’s be honest with ourselves and everybody we love: the Kardashians can contour–heavily–and pull it off. But do you know who can’t? Most of us. Like, probably at least 99%. Yet here we are, remembering the contour craze of late 2014, in which rational minds gave us step-by-step guides via Instagram on how to give their faces dimension. If that’s how you apply your makeup, that’s great; whatever blows your hair back — do that on your time. But by making the majority of us look like extras in Zoobilee Zoo, heavy, Kardashian-like contouring is more the cause of strife than it is beauty-induced contentment.

6. Over-lined lips
The nineties were a wonderful time for many reasons. One of those reasons, sadly, was not the obsession with lip liner; an accessory and technique so few of us mastered, we still cry out into the night upon the product’s very mention (I just screamed at the moon for 20 minutes). Unfortunately, thanks to the likes of Kylie Jenner, over-lined, oversized lips started earning priority, despite the fact that most of us just can’t/shouldn’t/don’t want to rock it. So in the words of Amy Poehler, “Good for her, not for me.” Let’s leave the liner to Kylie and look towards a less time-consuming future.

7. Ombré
It thrived in 2012. It survived in 2013. In 2014, it morphed into a half-bleached/half-natural style no one can truly understand. One day, it will return. When that day come, we will celebrate. But right now, ombré is that party guest who won’t leave who ate all the chips, took out an acoustic guitar, and started freestyling “Wonderwall.” Ombré hair, it’s time for bed.

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