My most ridiculous shopping text messages, revealed

If my iCloud account were hacked, you wouldn’t find any nudes. Instead, you’d find a series of pithy, self-absorbed text messages about my shopping habits, my appearance and my love life---egged on by my nearest and dearest pals, of course. My recent search for the perfect dress to wear to a friend’s wedding took ego inflation (and lols) to the next level, with my BFF having to deal with three days of “what about this, tho?" before I finally settled on the right look.

I may dole out style advice on a daily basis, but a quick glance at the below would show that I’m pretty needy in the department myself. Behold: my most ridiculous shopping text messages, revealed for your pleasure.

MessagesBlaireDetails

Yesterday 11:40 AM

Mornin!

Hii 🌞

Dying over Cary’s snaps

You?

Just woke up. Bath... face mask... hair mask 💅 💆

Kyute

I got him to send me all the originals

I can’t

Ain’t no mountain high... hahahahah 💃

K, emergency

Need help with a dress for Paige’s wedding

What are your options

I have the paisley one I wore to the AGO

No, you’ve worn (and I’ve worn) too many times

Lol

Okay, this?

Actually, kinda want to return it though

Eh, doesn’t look like you... return

K I have more

Where did you end up last night?

Ya send others and I’ll see what I have when out of the bath

K gracias

Haha omg

Sucha monsters

Typical Freddie

“Such a monsters”

Hahahah

Should I post on IG?

“DOGS FOR SALE NO REFUNDS OR EXCHANGE”

Approx 120 likes

My estimate

K, back to me

Always 😒

What about this:

Ignore wet hair and crap on the ground

#Cleanliness

Is that even how you spell cleanliness?

Wait is this wedding inside or out and what’s the dress code

That dress is a bit drab

Haha thanks

You look like someone’s cousin

I look like the 3rd dress in Mrs Doubfire

“I wore that to my aunt’s funeral in 1976”

Anything else?

How about this of mine from Power Ball?

Too warm

It’s supposed to be outside but may rain... More like garden party style

Floral dresses, stuff like that

Like this is basically the mood board

A talking flower: My MO

Got it. Psycho pansy

I have to run into the office for a bit now anyways so I’ll see what’s on Bloor

Yesterday 2:00 PM

Cute?

Nah

K going vintage

Yesterday 3:34 PM

OoooOOOooo look at this!

Yellow suede 💫✨👌

VSP

Oh la la

What does it look like on

Gimme a sec

Lollll doesn’t fit over my head literally just got stuck in it ✂️

Hahahah

I wish my luggage was back from Italy this dress would be perfect!! 😭😭😭

It’s been 2 weeks? You’re not getting that back.

Remember the show without a trace? If not back within 48 hours...

Ugh

K but also I should tbt that shot, right?

Save in the cannon for 6 months

Too many Italy 📷

Don’t be jealous

lol ok

What about that marni dress you have of mine? Too momsy?

Yeah I feel preggo

But it’s so perf with the Marni bag I just got 💁

Maybe you can wear off the shoulder

I tried, it basically just falls off

Not that kind of wedding hahaha

Let’s see

I like it but ya a bit shapeless

Side note do you like this for IG?

From the shoot on Tuesday

👌💕👌💕

100 likey

K yay

I’m already thinking about dinner

Pho?

Tacos?

I’m starving

It’s 4pm

I dun care

Let’s show up at Grand Electric like now... Pre-wait for 2 hours

At least we’ll get a table but we’ll still have to text because music so loud

Totally, but I want my own ceviche

Good bc me too k getting on bike in 10

Kk

Today 11:06 AM

OMG YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE

?????

LUGGAGE

IS

FOUND

How is that even possible

Mercury retrograde overrrrrrr!

No idea, I called them expecting to completely sass them and cry on the phone, and she said it was coming today!!!!

OMG I am so namaste right now

Bless the world

Imagine it was me pretending to be luggage contact and it’s not actually coming

Hahaha I would make you buy me everything new

Wouldn’t matter in over draft anyway

💸💸💸

I need a fireworks emoji

💥💥💥

Like that but in the sky and with happy tears and angels

And with Katy Perry in the background

☁️⛅️💥👼💦💥☁️

✔️

Okay so I’m going to wear the white and green dress then, yeah?

With these shoes

💯💯💯💯

Remember when u were going to wear this

Hahahah

It’s cool from the back 😏

She’s here!!!!!!!!!!

My trendy ombré luggage is home

Wtf is this

Hahahahhahaha

It’s a rolled up sock

With sticky stuff on the bottom from Paige’s trampoline bday party

Unclear about the black one though

K gotta get ready 😘

Today 9:47 PM

Kk send picy

Voila!

With Natalie

😍😍😍😍😍😍