Drama Detectives: Are Middle-Aged Women Really Putting MDMA in Their Brie?

Drugs, cheese & female friendship

When I read that taking MDMA with cheese has become a trend among middle-aged, middle-class women, I started asking a lot of questions. But mostly, I wondered: is this really a thing? Has an entire demographic coined a casual way to consume an illicit psychoactive drug? Or, is a soft, stinky cheese simply the bougie vehicle of choice for a media blabbing and her group of girlfriends? In hopes of answering these questions—and more!—I investigated.

The Evidence

What is brieing?
It’s when you wrap an MDMA in a bite size piece of brie cheese. You know, kind of like how you trick your dog into taking his heart-worm medication. But unlike your Golden Retriever, these classy briers likely place their stuffed cheese atop those cranberry and hazlenut Rainforest crisps, and wash it down with a $23 bottle of subtly oaked Chardonnay.

Who is brieing?
There are two testimonies given to Metro, the outlet who broke this story. One statement came from a 50-year-old businesswoman in London, the other came from a 42-year-old media executive, who is married and has two children.

Where are they brieing?
At dinner parties in London. The exact location was unfortunately not given.

Where are they getting the drugs?
From their children! Obviously! “Our friend had been given a gram of MDMA by her daughter,” says the source, who called her son to ask how to best consume the drug.

Why are they brieing?
“I have a strong circle of female friends,” the businesswoman explains, “and we had tried all the latest fads, food fashions, and destination dinner parties but something was missing. One of the group suggested we all take MDMA together,” she continued, “so we cold open up to each other and improve our friendships.”

How does brieing effect you?
“Nothing much happened for forty minutes then then the colours in the rug seemed to be a more vivid and before I know it was in an in-depth conversation about my fantasy sex life with an old friend,” the brier recounts. “It was such an intense experience. I am sure most of us at that party have done it with other friends so now wrapping MDMA in Brie seems to be a thing now.”

The Verdict

It seems that brieing is one rogue example of a woman’s wild nights in with her cheese and wine loving friends. Like come on, the second source didn’t even serve her MDMA to her guests with a dairy product! “Brie is a new one on me,” the drug-loving mother of two told Metro, “we always use the duck pancakes from our takeaway.” And so, with one woman serving her MDMA in a wheel of cheese and the other in Chinese takeout, brieing appears to be just one isolated groups of girlfriends; not yet a “thing.” Or, at least, it was isolated—before the headline went viral and was read by thousands of book club members and yoga enthusiasts across the globe. Now that it’s been given momentum, who knows how far this brieing trend will reach.

Just this morning, we were watching “JK Wedding Entrance Dance“on YouTube in preparation for the royal wedding. You remember them, right? That couple who danced down the aisle to Chris Brown’s “Forever” and sparked a decade of cringe-worthy shimmying and shaking between church pews?! If we can learn anything from J and K, it’s this: it only takes one visionary to start a trend.