Chris Evans Accidentally Showed Everyone His Eggplant

They say you should never stare directly into the sun (you know, because unless you’re Donald Trump, it’ll blind you), and the same can be said for Chris Evans’s penis. On September 12, the Captain America star sent the internet into a frenzy after he reportedly (and most likely accidentally) shared a photo of his superhero dong on Instagram Stories. Attempting to share a lighthearted screen recording of himself and his friends playing Ellen DeGeneres’s “Heads Up” game, Evans accidentally shared more than expected when he exited the video, showing off the rest of his iPhone photo gallery. And the actor got our attention when he accidentally revealed a photo of a penis that many believe is the hunky (and chivalrous) gentleman’s within said iPhone gallery. FYI, the photo’s in black and white, because Evans is a goddamn artist, thank you very much.

Needless to say, the internet (and most definitely all of Evans’s Marvel cast mates) were shook.

Both positively *and* negatively.

It’s legit like he slid into all of our DMs.

While Evans must have quickly realized his mishap, deleting the video shortly after it was first posted, the internet always remembers and it quickly made the rounds on Twitter. And while the idea of Evans’s anaconda out on the inter-webs might be titillating to some, especially in the middle of a pandemic when thirsting for literally anything (including the recently released Dune trailer) is a thing, there are a few points we should remember before searching for the photos—and sharing them with our friends.

We’ve all *kind of* been there

While Evans’s life on the day-to-day may not be *that* relatable for most people (you know, the whole being a movie star, allegedly dating a famous British actor, having people around the world lust after you and possessing an unparalleled knit sweater game thing), there’s at least one aspect many people can relate to the famous actor on—having personal nudes on their phones. Because most of us have been there.

Nude photos on your phone are pretty much a form of social currency. Whether you’re sending a pic of your naked bod to your sister to show off your personal fitness and health progress, snapping a cheeky booty pic to send to your partner during a particularly dreary work day or sending a topless photo to your BFF because your boobs look great, naked photos are all around us—it’s how people ~communicate~ these days. Just ask Chrissy Teigen. Shortly after Evans’s photo roll was leaked, the model and Cravings author low-key defended Captain America, tweeting: “My WhatsApp automatically saves every photo to my roll so any boobs in my phone are my girlfriends showing me their boobs or boobs they hate or boobs they love or yeah def also my boobs. I’d say 80 percent of my roll is whatsapp nonsense between friends.”

So fear not, Chris. While not everyone has accidentally released said nudes to their Instagram followers, many people can relate to have them safely tucked away on their phone for a rainy day. (And can relate to internally freaking out when you think you may have *accidentally* posted them).

It may have potentially been photoshopped

Another thing to consider? That peen everyone is in such a tizzy about may not actually belong to Evans. While the internet lasts forever, we also know that things on the internet (i.e. images, words, Khloé Kardashian’s Instagram photos) can be altered or fabricated pretty easily. Since the video started making the rounds online, Evans himself has yet to comment on the NSFW image (although tons of other celebs *have* commented), so we really have no confirmation that a) the ding-dong in question is Evans’s (for all we know, the pic came from a buddy) or b) the video itself came from the famous actor. As writer and co-host of the Thirst Aid Kit podcast, Nichole Perkins, noted out on Twitter: “Maybe the dick belongs to whoever did a screen recording of Chris’ IG story.”

As in, perhaps someone screen recorded one of Evans’s old Instagram vids and shared *that* on Twitter, meaning the gallery with the dick pic is theirs, not the actor’s.

And if you’re doubtful, Perkins has some #facts to back up her theory; mainly, pondering why Evans himself would post a screen recording of a video to Instagram Stories instead of the video itself. Just seems like extra and unnecessary work to me.

The theory that the video (and the accompanying big mac truck, in the words of Cardi B and Meg Thee Stallion) are someone else’s would also explain the kind of suspect photos that are present in the video. Alongside the image in question, the camera roll in the video featured *a lot* of photos of Evans. But these weren’t selfies or personal photos; rather, there were tons of memes and pics that looked like they’d been taken from the internet, including an absolutely hilarious meme featuring a photo of Evans with the words “GUARD THAT PUSSY” underneath it.

Honestly, we need to discuss *that* photo more than any schlong snaps. Not to mention the fact that there appear to be no personal photos of Evans, his friends and family, or his beloved dog in said camera roll, which seems strange.

This is a mystery, folks. Did anyone actually see Evans’s crotch in his Instagram Story (slash, did he ever even post a Story?!) or are we all just talking about it now because someone on Twitter started tweeting about leaked nudes with an accompanying video?!

We shouldn’t share images of it

And ultimately, fake or not, the most important thing to remember when googling “Chris Evans leaked nudes” is that we probably shouldn’t be googling it at all.

https://twitter.com/portraitofalayd/status/1304844670200094723

Unless Evans speaks out, fesses up that the dong in question *is* his and that he shared the image on purpose, we can safely assume that the leak was unintentional. It’s a private photo that should have ultimately remained that way. But unfortunately (for Evans) it didn’t. At the end of the day, Evans is a human being and this whole fiasco is probably incredibly embarrassing for him, even if his own brother (and pal Mark Ruffalo) are making light of it. As fans, we should be respectful of him and his privacy and not circulate the photos any further. (In fact, on Twitter, tons of the actor’s fans have been sharing hunky—but very wholesome—photos of Evans under the #ChrisEvans hashtag in an effort to bury the intimate pic.)

And in addition, we should apply the same mentality to *any* celebs who accidentally share their nudes or have them leaked against their will. In 2014, Jennifer Lawrence had intimate photos of herself released after her iPhone account was hacked, an experience she later compared to a “sex crime.” At the time, many people blamed *Lawrence* for the leak, chastising her for taking nude photos of herself in the first place. This victim-blaming reaction was not OK then and still isn’t OK now.

So, let’s leave Evans and his Moby Dick alone. Just watch the Dune trailer instead.

FLARE has reached out to Evans and his rep for comment. The story will be updated with their responses.