True Blood recap: We take wardrobe cues from Eric’s and Bill’s steamy dream attires, and two of Nan’s best take-charge looks

It’s the time of the season for fighting and all hell to break loose: the witches and vamps got into it in the cemetery, with Sookie getting shot and Eric getting captured by Antonia; Hoyt and Jessica broke up; and a Possessed Lafayette kidnapped Mikey.

Hostage Crisis
-Hoyt’s alarm is cock-a-doodling, and the house is a mess of empty Budweiser tall boys and half-empty whisky bottles.
-After discovering a Taylor Swift CD he packs up Jessica’s stuff (including a copy of Twilight, natch) and puts it in a box marked “For you, Monster.” We love that Hoyt calls names like a kindergartner.
-Possessed Lafayette enters with Mikey and forces Hoyt out at gunpoint, saying it’s his house.
-Arlene (whose camo track pants thankfully survived the fire) is crying to Officer Jason about Mikey’s abduction. Terry is going off the deep end and Andy needs him some V when Hoyt calls Jason with news.
-Andy and Jason show up at Hoyt’s, and when they confront Possessed Lafayette he shoots at Andy.
-Jesus arrives on the scene and explains to the spirit she’s dead and that’s not her baby; she doesn’t believe him until she discovers she has a penis. Awkward.
-They burn some sage (and Jesus drinks a shot of Hoyt’s leftover booze) and flashback to the spirit Mavis’s demise at the hands of her lover.
-Possessed Lafayette gives back the baby and asks for forgiveness; Terry says it’s no problem, and these crazy things happen. Terry might wear yellow aviators, but he’s still capable of seeing nut-job antics through rose-coloured glasses.
– Hoyt digs up the remains of Mavis and her baby in his backyard for Possessed Lafayette to cuddle.
-Jesus chants and Lafayette turns golden and light shoots from him like the video for The Jacksons‘ “Can You Feel It”—we can’t believe it doesn’t start playing as everyone watches agape as Mavis exits Lafayette’s body.
-She says goodbye and thanks, and Lala’s like, “You got it, bitch.” Oh, Lafayette.

Dream Lover
-Alcide runs through the fog with an unconscious Sookie but loses his charge when a speedy Bill scoops her up.
-Back at her place, Bill tries to give her his blood, while Alcide criticizes him for letting her partake in the witchy mêlée.
-Sookie comes to and sees Bill and Alcide—her first thought: Where’s Eric?
-Alcide is fed up with her and her vamp-loving ways and takes off, and Bill gives her an empathetic look and also exits.
-The next time we see Sookie, she’s in a red frilly robe in a dreamy, soft-lit fantasy—but who’s dreaming?
-Eric’s at the door and back to his pre-amnesia bad-boy self with slicked-back hair and an all-black ensemble: denim, low-cut shirt and a canvas coat with leather sleeves. He goes in for an intense makeout.
-They’re making out on the dining room table when Bill appears, sitting next to them in a canvas coat with a slight military feel—no King Bill suit.
-Bill says he’s there because she still loves him, and he and Eric argue about who should be whisper-shouting, “Sookie is mine.”
-It’s Sookie’s dream (she’s had blood from each of them recently) and she puts them on the couch for a talking-to: She’s in love with them both, and her offer is for them both to be hers.
-They want her to choose, so she launches into a lecture about the double standard for men and women in threesomes and how she’s no goodie two shoes.
-It’s not her words that get them but the sight of her in red-lace matching panties and bra—take it or leave it, she says—and looking at how hot Anna Paquin’s body is, we totally understand why they take it. Damn, girl!
-She awakes when they both start feeding on her euphorically.

Sookie’s guide of what to dress your suitors in for a dream pre-threesome
While we assumed Sookie was all for the simple jock Eric, looks like she likes his Evil Eric look better, and we like it too and are dreaming of him in a T by Alexander Wang leather-sleeve denim jacket ($615, For Bill, a slim coat in waxed cotton like this Belstaff Trialmaster jacket ($910, is refined but rugged, like him.

-Post-battle at Moon Goddess, Antonia’s merry band of pleather-wearing Wiccans aren’t so merry about her bringing Eric back to home base and her plans to kidnap Nan Flanagan at next evening’s vampire Festival of Tolerance.
-Led by Holly and Tara’s questioning of Antonia, some of them try to leave, just to be locked in by Antonia.
-Jessica is crying to Nan Flanagan, who looks tough in fur-trimmed leather jacket, leather moto leggings, and killer peep-toe lace-up booties. Jessica’s not getting any sympathy from Nan—maybe it’s her denim shirt with braided trim that’s turning her off? Jessica needs to get on the leather program.
-Nan’s dropped by to stay the night before the Festival of Tolerance and wants to know what Bill’s done now; they all go get chained in silver and go to ground to argue.
-Nan won’t cancel her event—there are bloggers coming! Bill tells her the mess with the witches is all her fault. She tells him there’s no way the festival is off and he stews.
-After the possession-crew leaves, Hoyt and Jason talk about Hoyt’s breakup and he asks Jason to drop off her stuff because he can’t face her.
-Jason shows up on Jessica’s doorstep (he’s kindly scribbled over Hoyt’s message).
-She’s wearing a flowered sundress with pink trim, and if there’s one thing True Blood delivers on, it’s that a sundress consistently leads to sex. Sure enough the next time we see them, they’re doing it in the back of Jason’s truck to the odd melody of product-placement Taylor Swift.

Nan’s guide to off-duty, vamp-in-charge footwear
When Nan is off duty she prefers to speak the common style language of most vamps: black leather. While there seems to be no shortage of black leather jackets in her closet, we love her sexy, peep toe, lace-up booties—like these by Miu Miu ($790,—they look great propped up on Bill’s desk while Nan rolls her eyes at Jessica’s crying.

Debbie Does
-Alcide arrives home where Debbie fakes sleeping after a good cry in bed alone.
-He strips down and we get a gratuitous butt shot when he climbs in bed and nuzzles her in her purple satin slip, but she maintains her feigned slumber.
-Debbie is buying V from some lowlife in a badly graffiti’d alley—and slams it back like a Bazooka Joe shot at a stagette.
-She shows up at Sookie’s, in a light tan anorak and hoop earrings, and pulls out some flowers. Sookie got on another “I’m looking for someone” hoodie—this one’s covered in hearts.
-They chat at the kitchen table over iced tea about Sookie being in trouble.
-Debbie offers to help, and Sookie listens in on her thoughts and believes her intentions are true.
-Debbie shows up to Moon Goddess and fakes some allegiance to Antonia while Sookie sneaks in the back where all the witches are having a nap time on the floor.
-She magically knows what door to open to find Eric, and when she tries to get him to leave she sees he’s under a spell. Luckily, he spills that he’s supposed to kill the king. It’s just like the time Derek Zoolander was hypnotized by Mugatu to kill the prime minister of Malaysia.
-Tara discovers Sookie and trains a gun on her but secretly sends Sookie a message to charge and then run, which she does, and Tara fakes trying to shoot her so Antonia doesn’t suspect collusion.
-Debbie and Sookie take off for the Festival of Tolerance like Thelma and Louise.

Debbie’s guide to looking helpful and not high on V
Be ultra-approachable and sweetly suburban in a tan utility jacket. Tommy Hilfiger makes one ($100, that has plenty of pockets for stashing vials of V.

Bunnies and Beatings
-Luna puts her kid to bed and goes out to Sam; they chat about her “problem,” Marcus.
-Sam wants to go camping that night and get back to nature (and away from Marcus). He’s kind of a big deal, he says, since he owns multiple tents. A line that didn’t work for Ron Burgundy in Anchorman works for Sam.
-Sam, Luna, and Emma are camping by the water, having the best time of their lives (it looks like a Canadian Tire ad); Sam even turns into a bunny to amuse Emma.
-Tommy’s writing a goodbye letter to Sam at Merlotte’s when in walks Marcus in his leather biker duds; he wants Sam to meet him that night.
-Later, Marcus gets a visit at his bike shop from a grey tank–wearing Alcide who wants in on more pack responsibility to make Debbie happy.
-They enjoy some brews and toast Shreveport, and Marcus wants him to be his wingman for his faceoff with Sam Merlotte—Alcide hesitates but agrees.
-At the campsite, Luna sneaks into Sam’s tent and they have some hot tent sex.
-At Marcus’s, Tommy shows up in Sam’s place, as Sam; Marcus’s cronies start beating on Tommy after he makes a crack about Luna (was it just us, or did it seem like Tommy was looking to get a beating, not just being his usual cocky self?) but Alcide breaks it up.
-Tommy spits blood from the beating and skin-walking and turns back into Tommy; Alcide picks him up like a rag doll and carries him out of there.
-We wonder if Alcide is thinking about Marcus: “Tell a guy you’re his and he turns into a dick.” Men.

Luna’s guide to a shifter’s camping clothes
You change into a horse on the full moon, so why not wear one on your shirt? Make it a deconstructed sweatshirt, like this tank ($30,, ’cause, hey, you’re camping.

Festival Circuit
-Antonia, her witch’s pet Roy, and Eric take off for the festival, and she locks all the witches in, making the door handles red hot so they can’t get out.
-At the Festival of Tolerance, Bill and Nan preside over what looks more like a high-school assembly than a festival.
-Nan is wearing a first lady–worthy suit of pink jacket, black skirt, and oversized pearls to give her speech about tolerance.
-Unbeknownst to Nan and Bill, Eric shows up and distracts the vampires out front, and when he has them cornered Antonia starts her chanting.
-Sookie runs into the Festival of Tolerance as Bill is being introduced. Nobody is playing “Relax” and Eric isn’t strutting down a runway, but she knows the assassination attempt is about to go down.
-Antonia’s spellbound vamps kill guards in front of the crowd, people stampede, Eric gets the nod from Antonia and pounces—he’s just wearing a white Henley now so we know it’s a sign of bad things to come. The Henley hath returneth and looketh at whateth it hath wrought.
–Sookie yells at Bill: “Run!”

Nan Flanagan’s guide to accessorizing in the name of tolerance
Yes, two Nan Flan looks this week, but we can’t help that we love how over-the-top she goes on camera. The pink suit is way too cutesy, and her oversized pearl choker, like a classic piece by the mother of all pearl stringers, Carolee ($50,, says: “I hope you notice this is costume and think I’m just like you and tolerate me.”

And that’s it folks, until next week! Stay tuned for our recap of Episode 10 next Monday August 29th! Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m on HBO Canada.

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