True Blood Recap: The season closes out with more blood, more crazy faerie costumes and several victorious Eric moments

It’s the end, literally for some characters, and we’re so sad to see these guys go! From the faeries with loose morals and questionable fashion sense to the born-again vamps crusading for a blood-soaked female god. From brothers loving sisters, to rednecks wearing Obama masks and shooting supes to love triangles breaking friendships apart, it’s been quite a season. And we’ve lost some loved ones and some strange ones: Bud Dearborn, Sheriff Elijah, Patrick, Roman, half the Chancellors and, as of tonight, many more. Let us say goodbye, together…

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Cognitive Authority
-Post-Elder Fae draining, Russell is trying to get into the buffae at the cabaret. The fae’s collective laser fingers aren’t working on him, but luckily our hero Eric stakes him. Revenge at last!
-Jason’s bumped his head, and while he may be hallucinating his dead parents, he knows well enough that Sookie shouldn’t follow Eric, Nora and Tara into The Authority’s lair to save Pam and reason with Bill. Sookie of course goes.
-Jason loads up on vamp-killing supplies before heading with Sooks et al. to The Authority, with an intensity that’s more Jason Bourne than Jason Stackhouse.
-A naked Sam flies out from under Bill’s fangs and warns Luna she may have to fly out through the air duct and leave Emma (who’s still in pup form, brilliant way to get around child labour laws, True Blood!) behind.
-We see a fly casing Steve Newlin’s room (cute family portrait of him, Russell and Emma!) and then Sam is back with a plan.
-A nervous Steve Newlin is making for the elevator with Emma, but Rosalyn intercepts with on-camera work.
-Steve has a melt down (literally) and morphs back into Luna, while Sam the fly bombs Rosalyn from within. (Luna really should have shielded Emma’s eyes, that death was extreme!)

Chicken Supe For The Soul
-Alcide and his pops are bonding over an all-meat cook up (the colon on these guys!), when Martha crashes with Alcide’s onetime training partner/one-night stand who is OD’ing on some bad V she was force fed by pack master JD.
-Rikki may be writhing in pain and sweating out the V, but she still has the sense to give Alcide a “you never called after sex” guilt trip and tell him about JD raping young lady pups.
-Jackson knows his good dope from his bad dope and tells Alcide he has some pure stuff that will make it so he can defeat JD. (It’s like we’re watching an Afterschool Special entitled My Dad the Drug Dealer.)
-Alcide rips JD to pieces in front of the pack, and then lays down the law as the new pack master (in the show’s first sleeveless henley shirt).
-At Merlotte’s Lafayette has mixed some Cajun Margs and put on some sexy saxophone music and he, Holly and Arlene get down!
-In comes party pooper Andy and his fae baby mama and he comes clean to Holly about cheating and impregnating Maurella just as lightning flashes from her ovaries signaling labour.
-It’s cocktails and crowning at Merlotte’s as Maurella does the When Harry Met Sally fake orgasm routine as she gives birth and screams so loud glass breaks like in Splash. (So many ’80s movie references!) But wait, it’s not just one, but four babies.
-Maurella hops off the pool table and makes for the door leaving Andy Bellefleur to single dad-dom times four half-faelings. Let’s hope the Piggly Wiggly has a special on diapers.

Maurella’s guide to maternity wear
If you’re going to chug salt, you best be prepared to bloat in a roomy caftan. Also, do all these faeries take crafting classes to bedazzle their clothes? This cover up from Camilla ($515, has the illusion of major bling but not the over-the-top sparkle motion.

Monthly Bill
-Bill bows down before Salome, claiming Lilith told him that Salome’s the chosen one and he’ll be her Consort as she rules the world.
-Eric bluffs his and the rest of his ragtag crew into The Authority and Bill spots Sookie on the security cam—evil Bill blank stare.
-Jason must’ve watched The Expendables 2 this weekend because he goes in guns blazing and kills every vamp that gets in their way, while Eric and Nora disable the security system.
-Tara and Sookie grab Pam and Jessica—Tara and Pam have reunited makeouts! Jessica is so happy to see Jason she professes her love, and he’s like, No more vamp for this tramp. They all leave Eric and Sookie there to save Bill. (Check out this bonus scene!)
-Salome is about to get her Lilith on but Bill is concerned about what the blood might do to her, but she’s determined and chugs.
-Bill gives her psycho eyes, and then she starts choking on the floor as he reveals he laced some other blood with silver and kept Lilith for himself. Dressed all in black, it’s a pretty literal bad guy moment as he stakes her. Rest in Cleavage, Salome!
-Eric and Sookie interrupt Bill’s Lilith shoot up, and Sookie pleads with him not to go to the dark side, but after giving a jerk monologue he downs it.
-It looks like he’s met his maker, but as Sookie cries and shares a moment with Eric (yes!) Bill emerges from the blood puddle naked and covered à la Lilith, and Eric yells at Sookie to “Run!” Cliffhanger Town, Population = Us.

Salome’s guide to a Vamp Mitzvah outfit
Or is it more of a communion? She pledges her loyalty in a lilac bridesmaids dress and then changes to chug the blood, wearing a white gown that looks identical to this leather paneled dress by Kara Laricks ($177,

Thanks for catching up on True Blood with us this season! May your dresses always be cut as low as Salome’s, your ombré dye job as perfect as Nora’s, your workouts be with a shirtless Alcide and your dreams filled with shipping container special times with Eric. And we’ll miss you and your hair Russell!

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