SNP’s word of the day: Modelland

Illustration by Lewis Mirrett
Illustration by Lewis Mirrett

Word: Modelland

Usage: “Suddenly, Scouts from Modelland were everywhere. An asteroid rocketed to earth, throwing up chunks of marble all around the square and causing nearby runway walkers to flee in hysterics. A stunning Scout emerged from the rubble, with skin that seemed to be made of rough stone.”

Meaning: The titular concept of a new book by Tyra Banks—yes, I did say book—available on September 13. When “-land” is affixed to a concept (Toyland, Candyland, Pleasureland, Disneyland), it becomes a dreamplace, a vast (and usually imaginary) setting governed only by said concept. So it is with Tyra’s biz in an overweight novel described as “modelling plus Harry Potter.” Oy.

You should know it because:
Modelland answers all your questions about Tyra, such as: Is she out of her bleeding mind? Is her forehead so big because she is, in fact, an extraterrestrial being? Can she make Mariah-land look like Iowa by comparison? And the answers are all “yes.”

An excerpt from Modelland was posted on the Barnes & Noble website and quickly made the internet rounds over the weekend. Consensus in blogland is that the prose (see: usage) is so royally purple, so… just awful, that Tyra herself really must have written it. The heroine, Tyra’s tween alter ego, is named Tookie de la Creme and her quest is to reach Modelland (“the exclusive, mysterious place on top of the mountain”) and become one of seven “intoxibellas” (a new word for supermodels, let’s presume).

I’m sure that, much like Tyra’s talk show, her stiletto-stab at literature will be America’s Next Top Novel—in Delusionland.

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