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Emmys 2016: Everything You Need to Know If You Didn’t Tune In

PB&J sandwiches, Marcia Clark, and more!

The Emmys should be the awards show we most anticipate nowadays, given that we binge-watch series more than we hit up the theatre. But, let’s be honest, it’s hard to stay up till 11 on a school night when there’s not a party involved, so we don’t blame you if you missed it. Here’s what you need to be up to date with so you can fake it till you make it at the water cooler.

Amy Schumer shares her tampon brand of choice
Amy Schumer gave her lady parts a shout-out not once, but twice: First, she was censored on the red carpet when she was on her way to chat with Giuliana Rancic. As she climbed the stairs, Schumer said she was worried that she’d expose her clit via her high-cut slit. OK, so it’s perhaps a little shocking to hear that, but censor-worthy? Not so much. She also gave a shout-out to her Tom Ford shoes, Vivienne Westwood Dress and OB tampon. We’ve come to expect Schumer’s candidness, especially after reading her book, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo.

The cast of Stranger Things handed out PB&J sandwiches
In a nod to that time Ellen hosted the Oscars and had pizza delivered to the audience, Jimmy Kimmel enlisted the help of his mother to prepare “7,000” peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the guests. “I know these shows are long, and I know a lot of  you probably haven’t eaten since labour day,” Kimmel said. And with that, he brought out the kids of Stranger Things to help distribute said sandwiches while on bikes. “Raise your hand if you have a gluten-allergy. I just want America to see which of their favourite celebrities are the most annoying,” Kimmel joked. “Oh, also if you’re allergic to peanuts, well, I guess this is goodbye because we could only afford one Epipen.” Save for the low-key gluten shaming, this was probably our favourite moment of the show.

Matt Damon trolls Jimmy Kimmel for losing
In a continuation of the infamous Damon/Kimmel “fued”, the Bourne star showed up on stage eating an apple. “I missed the last category, did you win?” he asked, in reference to the Emmy for Best Variety Talk Series, which Kimmel lost to John Oliver. “Oh, I’m sorry, what am I doing? This is so humiliating… you lost, and now you got to stand out here for the rest of the night in front of everybody!” Watch the video for all of the LOLs.

Jeffrey Tambor takes his win as an opportunity to advocate for transgender actors
As he accepted his Emmy for Best Actor in a Comedy series, Jeffrey Tambor, who plays a trans woman in Transparent said: “Listen to me, I’m not gonna say this beautifully, but to you people out there you producers and network owners and you agents and you creative sparks, please give transgender talent a chance. Give them auditions. Give them their story.” He also said that he hopes to be the last cisgender person playing a transgender woman. This comes after backlash from the trans community in early September following the announcement that Matt Bomer had been cast to play a trans sex worker in Anything. The trans community questioned that decision, given that there are many trans actors who would be better suited to the part and more adept at portraying the truths of trans people.

Marcia Marcia Marcia! #SarahPaulson brought #MarciaClark to the #Emmys!

A photo posted by TODAY (@todayshow) on

Sarah Paulson brings Marcia Clark as her plus-one
It was a meta-moment: Sarah Paulson’s date for the night was none other than the woman she plays in American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson: Marcia Clark, the head prosecutor during the O.J. Simpson murder case. Because Paulson began to understand Clark’s side of the story through becoming her for the screen, she saw how the public had wronged Clark and treated her unkindly when she lost the trial. Paulson used her win as an opportunity to make things right: “I, along with the rest of the world, had been superficial in my judgment, and I’m glad that I’m able to stand here in front of everyone today and say, I’m sorry.” Clark’s eyes glistened with tears when the camera panned toward her.

Bad Bill Cosby Joke
One thing we don’t expect from Jimmy Kimmel is politically correct jokes—well, frankly, we don’t really expect any comedian to be PC. But when it was announced that Cosby would be taking to the stage as a presenter, he had many people—couch potatoes and stars alike—baffled and uncomfortable. Definitely not funny, but it sure got a reaction. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Tatiana Maslany wins her first Emmy
The Canadian actress won in the category for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series (this is her second time being nominated for the award). “I feel so lucky to be on a show that puts woman at the centre,” she said. She also clearly didn’t believe she would win, as she had to scroll through her notes on her phone—and ward off congratulatory texts from friends while she was at it. (Ah, we love a good, humble Canadian.) Did we mention she’s our November cover girl, too?