CNTM Episode 2: You have the right to remain stylishly silent

Nikita's winning shot

Nikita's winning shot

In this episode, we bone up on fashion law, see the girls play stylist and go on a trip to the AGO.

Awwww: The girls return to the penthouse to find Tiffany’s note, adorned with a single tear.

Anvil: They really made a point of showing what time the girls went to bed (3:00 a.m.) and when they planned to get up (10:30 a.m.), so of course Nolé arrives at, that’s right, 6:10 a.m. Ridiculous bonus: He’s dressed as a duty officer, and has come to “arrest” the girls.

Best bit of pantomime: The models arrive at a courthouse and Jay whips around, in high court drag, and informs them they’ve all “violated section J [of course!] 212 of the fashion code.” As we all know, section J212 states that “it is a Top Model’s supreme duty to look fffabulous at all times.” Oh my god.

Of course that means it’s makeover day! Widely recognized as one of the best episodes of any Top Model season. The girls are given looks inspired by style icons like Debbie Harry, Linda Evangelista and Agyness Deyn. “Sentenced!” Jay says. Indeed.

Best use of screeching car sounds: Nikita’s reveal. She looks like she’s going to puke upon seeing her Bettie-Page inspired blunt bangs. What she fails to realize is that she’ll now be a rockabilly icon. Jill doesn’t help things by delivering an oh so sincere, “You look great.”

The biggest change: Rebeccah seems really game for her Agyness Deyn cut, which I love because as my mom always says, “Hair grows.”

Seriously, get over it: Nikita continues to cry and complain about her hair. All night. The girls put a bowl on her head at one point, which is hilarious.

Best teenager moment: All the girls yelling at Ebonie to get off the phone.

Way to twist the knife: The contestants arrive at H&M for a “dressing yourself” challenge and Jay marvels at their makeovers. “Some tears? Some pain?” he asks in a way that is so “You cried right? I know you cried.” Amazing.

We want: to run around H&M trying on clothes right at the rack. (Those change room lines are a nightmare.)

Headslap: “Architect of style” and today’s guest judge June Ambrose announces, with no hint of irony, “The style Nazi’s here.” I swear to you I’ve never heard a fashion person talk like this. Though the looks on Jay’s and June’s faces upon seeing the outfits the girls came up with I am quite familiar with.

The winner: Rebeccah

The best use of a faux cryptic text message: “Modeling is a balancing act. Can you climb to the top & work your new look?” Gymnastics? Rock climbing? What could it be?

Finally: Male models, shirtless (do they come any other way?) and lolling on ladders at the Art Gallery of Ontario.

Best insider-ish thrill: Seeing all those runway looks on Canadian TV. Marni! Dries! Hooray!

Most comfortable in runway gear: Despite her whining, Nikita and her angular bangs look amazing with the super sharp Dolce & Gabbana shoulders. Maryam also looks fantastic and apparently gives “exotic poses.”

Most awkward: It’s a tie between Tara, who looks like she’s being eaten by that Marni, and Jill, who keeps making Nolé laugh with her facial expressions, which is perhaps not what we’re going for here.

Most existential judging question: Yasmin to Rebeccah re: her Twiggy impression, “Can you do you?”

Most unfortunate use of a great makeover: Linsay may have Linda Evangelista’s hair, but Linda would never forget to look at the camera.

Most upsetting blockage of Belgian design: Maryam doesn’t notice when the male model walks in front of the Dries.

And the Oscar goes to: Jeanne Beker does an “actress” face and then whips out an impression of Heather’s Minnie Mouse voice. Beker, you are on!

Photo of the week: Nikita (hopefully this came with the stipulation that she stop complaining about her hair)

Later: Jill

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