Our favourite Amy Schumer quotes ever, in honour of her 35th birthday
It seems like every day we’re finding a new reason to love Amy Schumer. Last summer, she left a 1000% tip to help a server pay for school. She opened for Madonna’s NYC concerts last fall. And let’s not forget about the whole “plus-size” thing.
Schumer is part of a new group of unapologetic female comedians (including Lena Dunham and Mindy Kaling) that are becoming America’s Sweethearts by confronting female stereotypes and double standards with viral hits like #girlyoudontneedmakeup. So in honour of our lady crush’s 35th birthday, here’s what Amy has taught us so far about life, looks and love.
“I’m probably 160 pounds right now and I can catch a dick whenever I want. Like, that’s the truth. It’s not a problem.”
“Some guys, they wanna sleep with a girl that’s, like, a skeleton wrapped in plastic. That’s fine if that’s what you want. But I’m gonna keep eating and shower infrequently.”
“I went home with this French guy because he said something adorable like, ‘I have an apartment.’”
“You feel like such a dirty whore buying Plan B. It is so embarrassing because it’s over the counter but you have to ask your pharmacist, and they know what you want but they make you ask. They’re looking at me, I’m like, ‘You see where my eyeliner is just give it to me.’”
“I will speak and share and fuck and love and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it.”
“I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story – I will.”
“The best advice my mother gave me was to ‘Be a lady.’ But I never really knew what that meant, and obviously didn’t take to it.”
“I am not going to apologize for who I am and I’m actually going to love the skin that I’m in and not be like striving for some other version of myself.”
And our personal favourite, on fashion:
“I love American Apparel. I really do. I like the models and the marketing. I like that every shot of them, it looks like a shot of the last time they were ever seen. ‘Help.’ It looks like they are waiting for Liam Neeson in the bottom of a closet. It’s like hostage lighting.”