5 people you should un-follow on Instagram immediately

Unfollow Instagram
Photography by Peter Stigter

Instagram has brought us many great things: Throwback Thursdays, the Valencia filter, Wedding hashtags, the recent invention of the wide frame. But although the social media platform giveth, it also taketh away, in the form of what’s we casually refer to nowadays as “hate-stalking”.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, you’ve either been living on a remote island for years or you’re lying to yourself. In this age of isolating social media, hate-stalking is our common denominator—we all do it, spending minutes that turn to hours scrolling through the feeds of people we hate, muttering insults that will never reach beyond the sad, fingerprint stained screens of our phones.

Pathetic, right? Right. So in the spirit of the back-to-school season and end of summer, I’m offering up a list of unfollow suggestions to cleanse your insta-feed of negativity, boost your self-esteem, and close out the summer with a clean slate.

Your Ex Boyfriend
This seems like an obvious one, but you and I both know it’s a key piece of the hate-stalk puzzle. Unlike Facebook, your ex has absolutely no idea if you un-follow him on Instagram, so you’re spared the grand emotional statement of the de-friend move. Instead, you can take comfort in knowing that while you’ve rid yourself of photos of him and his stupid bike trips with his new girlfriend, you’re still appearing on his feed in all your filtered glory, like he’s lookin’ at you through one-way mirror. Who’s the creep now, brah?

Your Childhood Nemesis
Let’s be real, she’s a kindergarten teacher now and you’re just petty. If four plus years have elapsed since the last time you had a confrontation with your schoolyard enemy, it’s time to let it go. You were both 12. You’re essentially picking on the memory of a child.

The Spiritually Enlightened Girl
She never graduated college and the last time you saw her she was smoking weed in the parking lot, yet somehow she has managed to travel the world, doing yoga on top of waterfalls and posting Rumi quotes. She’s tan year-round, impossibly at peace and probably sipping homemade coffee by a deserted fjord right now, but yelling “DON’T YOU HAVE A JOB” at your screen isn’t going to change that. Stop indulging her and just sign up for a yoga class you’ll never go to, like a normal person.

All Those Famous Models
Listen, if you’re really following them for their baking tips, fashion inspiration or for sneak peeks at their lifestyle blog, that’s fine. Keep doing it. But only if you trust yourself to remember that a) no one actually looks that good in cut offs and Birkenstocks and b) it’s not your job to be professionally good looking. You’re doing just fine as is.

That Cool Friend of a Friend You Don’t Really Know
You know exactly whom I’m talking about. You met once, briefly, or maybe you just got invited to a party at her house through a friend. Regardless, you would definitely not say hi to her if you saw her at an airport, so you shouldn’t be monitoring the success of her new clothing line or recent engagement. Hear me when I say this: you will accidently like one of her photos one day, and it will be hugely embarrassing. Save yourself now, and remember: Instagram should be a place of fun and refuge reserved for friends, celebrities, and celebrity dogs. No haters allowed.

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