True Blood recap: We take wardrobe cues from Luna’s sexy loungewear, Nan’s bib necklace and what Alcide was wearing before he got naked
Last week on The Young and the Undead: blank-slate Eric drained Claudine in Sook’s front yard; the three musketeers of Tara, Jesus and Lafayette had been given an ultimatum by Pam to bring her Marnie to reverse the spell she’d put on Eric or they’d have her fangs to contend with; and a festering-wound addled Jason was getting gang raped on a dirty cot by the baby-challenged lady-panthers of Hot Shot.
The After Party
– We hit the ground running from the last episode, with Sookie’s mouth hanging open over Eric killing her faery godmother Claudine.
– Eric passes out woozy like Long Duck Dong in Sixteen Candles, before stumbling over to Sookie, punch-drunk on faerie blood, he wants some more. She freaks and he professes he’d never harm her (aww).
– We’re sure this is a first for Sookie, but probably a pretty common occurrence for most Bon Temps ladies: Work a full day, find your man in his sweats drunk and acting a fool in the front yard.
– Sookie orders Eric to get in the house, but first he pinches her butt playfully and wants her to chase him. She’s not amused, but we are. He doesn’t care that it’s almost dawn and runs off into the woods.
Frighten The Living Daylights
– The next day, Sookie’s been out all night looking for Eric, at her request Alcide comes over to help. He doffs his plaid and denim. (Thanks True Blood for making him pull those jeans down real low and pausing before morphing into wolf form.)
-He takes off on the trail, Sookie running after him.
– They find Eric swimming in the swamp, he wants Sookie to come play with him, and is splashing around and making up games to play, but she’s more concerned about the gators.
-Alcide reverts back to naked human form, and Eric gets territorial over his girl Sook. Two naked dudes fighting over her doesn’t make Sookie as happy as it would make us.
-Eric starts to get a sunburn and whimpers about playtime being over. He doesn’t want to go back to the dark, but lets Sookie bundle him up and runs along home like a good boy.
– Sookie puts a pouting Eric to bed while Alcide (now clothed, boo), listens in. Eric pleads for her to stay but she tells him she’s got human stuff to do.
– Upstairs Sookie and Alcide fight like two parents while their “kid” Eric listens from his room. They hug and make up, and she puts her head on his fine, beflannelled chest. He’s on her side, no matter what happens.
Alcide’s guide to good-guy flannel
You want something that will be tight enough she can see your rock-hard pecks flex, but soft enough she’ll want to lay her head on your man-boobs too. This one from Pendleton’s got the perfect Alcide pitch! ($100, openingceremony.us)
Night Fever
-Bill visits Pam wanting to know where Eric is, but she’s not giving anything away. She’s still in her denim torture suit with spiked shoulders from last week, so he must’ve just missed LaLa, Tara and Jesus.
-Back at Bill’s, Nan is pissed. She’s got on a peak-shouldered leather blazer and a bib necklace made of chains with a statement red lip—Nan Flan loves her leather and red lipstick.
-She tells Bill he was a total knob for sending Eric in after the coven. They’ve got bigger problems right now than a bunch of hippies.
– Bill, in a grey suit and black button-up looks like a cross between two Tonys: Manero from Saturday Night Fever and Montana from Scarface.
-Our first hint of who’s sharing space in Marnie’s head comes when they talk about the Spanish Massacre, where one witch caused problems for Vamps—seems like since then all witches haven’t been much to worry about.
-Nan tells him to take care of a missing Eric and to get his act together.
Nan’s guide to statement jewellery
Pair a structured leather blazer with a chain bib necklace. No silver for a vamp like Nan, but you can indulge, who knows, you might need it next time you’re in the parking lot of Merlotte’s. We love this
Dannijo beauty. ($695, net-a-porter.com)
Family Reunion
– Later, it’s meet-the-parents time for Bill. For the occasion he’s switched out of the ’70s suit and into a more approachable brown one with a blue shirt and a pocket square. Portia’s wearing a short-sleeved teal blouse and black skirt, and what looks to be blue eyeshadow?
– The ’rents in this case is one Grandma Caroline Bellefleur a.k.a. Mona from Who’s the Boss?. She’s a real Southern Belle, wearing a peach bow blouse, grey slacks, multiple pearls and a scarf over her shoulder kept in place by a black onyx brooch.
– Bill flirts with Caroline—they talk about the family tree and grab the family Bible to look at who Bill might know from the good ol’ Confederate days.
-They come across a name that makes Caroline feel sick, and Bill bolts for the door saying he can never see Portia again.
-She’s a lawyer and a “terrier” so isn’t going to let him leave without an explanation. Seems the two of them have a bit of the Hot Shot fever: He explains she’s his great-great-great-great granddaughter (they’re may be more “greats,” we lost track).
Caroline Bellefleur’s guide to looking classy
A feminine bow blouse never goes out of style, and looks just as good on a young gal as a classy old dame. Caroline matched her peach blouse to her hair, but we don’t recommend. ($44, asos.com)
Hot-to-Trot in Hot Shot
-Jason’s getting ridden by some other Hot Shot hillbilly, who gets off and puts a dirty dishrag on his bits (ew!), and cries about him being better than her brother-husband as she puts on the biggest pair of granny panties we’ve ever seen. He just cries.
-Next up is Hot Shot tween and raw meat advocate Becky. Jason’s sick, but Becky doesn’t care, she threatens to Bobbitt him if he doesn’t give it to her.
-Jason gives her a talk about not losing her virginity this way, and she softens and cuts him loose.
-Mr. Jason escapes! But he doesn’t get much of a head start; Felton figures it out pretty quickly after Becky, who sleeps outside, denies him details of her first time (ick!).
-Running for his life, Jason tries to throw the cats off his trail by tossing his shirt one way and running the other. We know he was some kind of high school football hero, but how far do they expect us to think that shirt travelled?
-While he keeps looking like he might pass out, he somehow gets up a tree, whittles a wooden stake and pounces on panther-Felton killing him.
-Crystal isn’t sad about Felton’s death and tells Jason now they can be together. He wants none of it and runs off. She doesn’t chase after him, but does yell something about seeing him on the next full moon…
-Jason makes it to the road, and as luck would have it, just after he passes out, his buddy Hoyt and girlfriend Jessica drive by. Another lucky break: Jessica’s got some blood that will get him feeling better fast.
Meanwhile…
-Mrs. Fortenberry charges into Merlotte’s screaming at Sam about Tommy being missing. She tells him she’s a lioness (the humans on this show love to make animal analogies), while wearing a blouse that looks like her idea of African safari camo. She’s got the mane part down too—her blonde hair has shed the rollers and is firmly set and waved.
-Tommy’s gone to see Mama Mickens, who swears she’s left Joe Lee and has a sweet trailer for them to live in. Tommy, in his best denim and collared shirt, is overjoyed and laps up some praise from her about learning to read, when in comes Joe Lee.
-He wraps a chain around Tommy’s neck and is sure going to teach Tommy a lesson about family. Seems that Mama Mickens is a snake. We hope a lion can beat a snake for Tommy’s sake.
-Sam surprises Luna at her place. She’s got on her casual wear, you know, just a baby-doll dress that looks like she’s just rolled out of a photo shoot for Pink by Victoria Secret. She surprises Sam in return: She’s got a daughter.
-Sam wrangles an invite to play Barbies with the two of them, and by the end of the day, they’re one happy family on the couch. One problem: Luna’s ex is a bad-boy werewolf who still stalks her.
– Alcide goes home to find Debbie reading (the Bible?) in a flowery satin peignoir and pink slip. She can smell that he shifted, and maybe Sookie too, though she only mentions the former.
-He tells her about going to Bon Temps to help Sookie and she says she trusts him. They make out on the couch.
– Over at Arlene and Terry’s, he’s looking after Mikey and doing laundry in a satin robe. (What is it with everyone? It must be laundry day for everyone as no one is getting out of their satin PJs.)
– Terry enters the room where the rest of the family is sleeping on the couch. They awaken to Mikey having written “Baby Not Yours” on the wall. Cue Arlene’s shriek. (This plot line better have a good payoff, so far it’s just: Terry is nice to baby, baby acts weird, Arlene screams, over and over.)
Luna’s guide to loungewear.
While we love the satin infusion in this episode, from Portia’s top to Debbie’s and Terry’s robes, we’re going to have to go with Luna’s look for the “something more comfortable” win. Her dress looks more like a nightie like this Victoria’s Secret one ($27, victoriassecret.com), no wonder her ex is always dropping by.
The Hangover
-The next morning, Sookie—not in her pajamas but in a short-sleeved, polka-dot hoodie that we can only assume she put on to make Eric feel better about what he’s been wearing—goes to check in on her Viking ward.
-Eric is depressed and Sookie is worried that he’s not being his “rascal” self, and tells Eric that the old him was a “happy vampire.” Hmm, we think that’s a bit of a stretch.
-Eric tells her he’s sad because he’ll never get to swim in the sun again, feel the heat on his skin, or see the daylight in Sookie’s hair. She tries to comfort him, but he doesn’t like being talked to like a child.
– Then old manipulative Eric resurfaces: “If you kiss me, I promise to be happy,” he says mischievously. Her lips form the words no, but she doesn’t look convinced. Just as he’s going in, they’re saved by the bell, or in this case, the Bill. Eric stays put while she investigates
-Bill’s fresh off his rebound and flirting with Sookie. She flirts back, but only to disguise that she’s lying to him about knowing where Eric might be.
-It seems Bill’s looked everywhere: Eric’s farm, his apartment in Paris (we could totally see him at fashion week picking out a new leather wardrobe), his Barbadian plantation (can’t you see Eric hanging with Rihanna? He is a Rude Boy), everywhere except her place. It looks like he’s going to go in without her permission (we didn’t think he could go in unless invited?) but she lays a guilt trip on him about not believing her that Eric’s not there, and Bill gives in. Portia may be a terrier, but the only puppy dog eyes Bill falls for this night are Sookie’s.
Give Peace a Chant
-Marnie is having a siesta, and in her dream she’s transported to Spain where a woman is being burned at the stake. No one in 17th-century Spain can see her, but the witch (our Ms. Spanish Massacre, we assume) takes a minute, before flames swallow her up, to teach Marnie a new chant.
-Post-nap, Lafayette, Jesus and Tara are trying to talk sense into Marnie about reversing the spell she cast on Eric. She insists she doesn’t know how to reverse it; the spell wasn’t hers.
-Lafayette really comes through with the satin theme this episode, wearing a Japan Sukajan jacket complete with embroidered lions (there’s a real animal theme this episode, huh?) and a tiger-print head scarf.
– Marnie is stepping up her moon goddess game in a beaded sweater and burnout velvet skirt with some hammered-silver accessories—very Janis Joplin.
– They go through books at Moon Goddess Emporium looking for a way to undo the spell when a book pops out of the shelf on its own.
-Out in the woods, Pam has worn her fetish fanger corset and mini and a bad attitude to the spell circle. Tara has a gun on Pam; Pam is pissed and itching to throw Lafayette back in the dungeon; Marnie is freaked and asks Pam to stop cussing.
– Marnie starts her chanting but Pam thinks it sounds like a load of crap and interrupts.
-The spirit takes over Marnie and she casts a spell on Pam that makes her skin rot off like a corpse’s. Pam is naturally freaked out and flies out of there.
-Marnie dramatically faints.
Pam’s guide to what to wear to a de-spelling in the woods
It’s likely she just came from Fangtasia, as Pam’s in a full leather corset, cups about to runneth over, a matching leather mini, stiletto boots and this necklace that’s also a chain shoulder sleeve we can’t quite figure out. Go for a similarly patched together corset from Balmain, or get a full leather laced-up look from Kevork Kiledjian ($1,629, luisaviaroma.com)
And that’s it folks, until next week! Stay tuned for our recap of Episode 5 next Monday July 25! Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m on HBO Canada.
