Ask AnnieThing: “My Friends Are Getting Married and I’m Jealous—Help!”
Welcome to actor Annie Murphy’s sex and relationship column, Ask AnnieThing, where you, YES YOU, can ask her your most pressing life questions. In this column, she takes on being single during wedding season
Q: Many of my friends are getting married, and while I’m happy for them, I’m also a bit jealous. I’m single and it’s kind of painful celebrating this milestone with others while feeling like I’m not going to experience it myself. Do you have any advice on how to be single at a wedding? (If you can find me a permanent wedding date that would be great too.)
*Samantha Jones voice* “Tequila, honey.”
’Tis the season, huh? The season of donning penis necklaces, and going in on a Vitamix with five of your friends. The season of watching people mash cake into each other’s faces while wearing expensive clothes. The season of celebrating people who are in love. But celebrating people who are in love when you’re not can be difficult—and I very much get that.
I know it’s sometimes hard to avoid picturing yourself as an old Dickensian madwoman, decomposing in an attic somewhere, wearing an unused wedding dress. Here’s the thing though: not many houses have those old spooky old attics these days. PLUS! Listen to this:
A woman went out one day to mail a long, lusty letter to her favourite actor, Vin Diesel. As she was walking, something caught her eye. It was a beautiful, sweaty man with a bald head and huge muscles lifting beer kegs at the gym. Their eyes met. He smiled; he had more teeth than anyone she’d ever seen. Distracted, the woman bumped directly into a man on the street who would eventually become her husband.
WHAT. A. STORY. And I defy you to prove to me that it didn’t happen. I completely understand that the concept of never meeting someone is big and scary, but the reason I tell you this *probably* real story is to remind you that people meet and fall in love unexpectedly every single day. On the street… at weddings… so open yourself up to it. I know you’re probably like, “WHAT ARE YOU, MY DRAMA TEACHER?!,” but the chance of you never meeting anyone whose face you could picture mashing cake into is much smaller than your chance of meeting that person. And that’s just straight math.
In the meantime, I implore you to do something super important. Take inventory of everything in your life that is positive. From the things that make you go, “F-CK YES THIS IS SO AWESOME,” to the things that make you go, “Ah, what luck! I cooked the perfect amount of soup for the size of bowl I poured it into.” Focus on the things, big and small, that make you happy. It’s sometimes easy to lose track of what we do have when we’re caught up thinking about what we don’t.
Another thing to keep in mind as wedding DJs continue to play “I Got A Feeling” until our eyes bleed? Yes, weddings are awesome, but sometimes the caterer is like, “Oh shiiiit. I thought the wedding was tomorrowwww!” and then the wedding tent catches on fire. And marriage is awesome, yes, but sometimes the couple is like, “Oh shiiiiiit. I wish I was making a perfect amount of soup in an apartment by myself,” and then their fire goes out—not to be a big giant downer or anything to all you fiancé(e)s out there! I just want to remind you that there have probably been times when some of your married friends have lamented they’re not a single person dancing their face off with a hot stranger at a friend’s wedding.
So, go dance your face off with a hot stranger at a friend’s wedding. Enjoy every bite of dry chicken, every minute of your friends’ company, and every wedding cocktail named “The Berry Happy Together.” Keep your heart open to meeting someone, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, don’t forget to soak up all of the happiness you can from all of the good in YOUR life right at this very second. And keep writing those long, lusty letters to Vin Diesel, because you never know where they’ll lead.