Everything That Upset the Internet This Week

What is the web-o-sphere angry about this week? A Taylor Swift song, a male reporter and a condiment hybrid. If these are the causes you plan on championing over the weekend, here’s everything you need to know.

Taylor Swift Covers of Earth, Wind & Fire’s “September”

THE STORY: As a contribution to Spotify’s Singles series, Taylor Swift turned Earth, Wind & Fire’s 1978 R&B funk anthem “September” into a banjo-heavy country ballad.

THE REACTION:

RIGHTEOUSNESS OF THE RAGE: Did I like Taylor Swift’s cover? No. Am I offended by it? Not really. Artists cover and recreate songs all the time. Like, for example, did you know Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” is a Dolly Parton cover? That Aretha Franklin’s “RESPECT” is a cover of a song by Otis Redding? Did you know Brittany Spear’s wasn’t the first person to sing “I Love Rock N Roll” — and neither was Joan Jett?

There’s nothing better than hearing a great musician’s fresh take on a classic song — except maybe for when that “fresh take” strips all of a song’s happiness and adds a banjo. But that’s just one listener’s opinion! The original song’s writer, Allie Willis, has actually approved the cover: “‘September’ was my first hit and favourite song of mine I ever have had the joy of being a part of,” Willis graciously told Billboard. “Taylor Swift is the absolute cherry on top of a very soulful and happy sundae.” I guess we can’t argue with that?

HOW WE FEEL: 🙉 🙉 🙉

New Rob Ford movie rewrites Robyn Doolittle as male reporter

THE STORY: News of a Rob Ford movie made headlines this week. British actor Damien Lewis will play Toronto’s infamous mayor, and the role of the Journalist Trying to Uncover the Truth—a role that in real life was mostly played by noted female reporter, Robyn Doolittle—will be played by Ben Platt.

THE REACTION:

RIGHTEOUSNESS OF THE RAGE: Platt responded to Dootlittle’s tweets, insisting that his part in the film is “totally fictionalized.”

“I have the utmost respect for your accomplishments,” he tweeted in the screenshot of a note, “I play a totally fictionalized character, an entitled, incapable entry-level reporter (my boss is played by Jennifer Ehle) at a fictional competing newspaper. The film alludes to the successful reporting from the Toronto Star.”

So, essentially, a fictional story about a man is more suited for film than true story about a woman? Is movie inherently more interesting if the main character is patriarchy-approved? In an article titled “If The Rob Ford Casting News Has You Down, Just Think About Dick,” FASHION Features Editor Greg Hudson writes: “To give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt, let’s assume it’s a money thing. Unless they wanted to make a movie about a dogged Toronto reporter named something like, I don’t know, Roberta Seemore, they’d have to pay Robyn Doolittle a good bit of money for the rights to her book, Crazy Town. And so, sure, it’s cheaper to just tell another story.” He writes other smart things about the controversy, which you can read here.

HOW WE FEEL: 🙄

Heinz wants to bring “Mayo-Ketchup” to market

THE STORY: “Want #Mayochup in stores?” @HeinzKetchup_US tweeted on April 11,  500,000 votes for “yes” and we’ll release it to you saucy Americans.” Mayochup is, of course, a hybrid condiment of ketchup and mayonnaise.

THE REACTION:

RIGHTEOUSNESS OF THE RAGE: Honestly, I would like to believe that this sacred “Fry Sauce” Utah residents speak of is more than just ketchup and mayo mixed. Is an extremely basic dip hybrid really the backbone of your state? Isn’t there some special ingredient that sets “Fry Sauce” apart from your basic mayo and ketchup cross-condiment?

And according to this very reputable recipe from The Kitchn, there is. Don’t worry you Utahans, Mayochup will never compare to your state-wide delicacy! Here’s a recipe:

Fry Sauce Recipe

  • 2 cups mayonnaise
  • 1/2 cup ketchup
  • 1 tablespoon pickle brine, preferably from bread and butter pickles
  • 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
  • 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon smoked paprika
  • Pinch cayenne pepper

HOW WE FEEL: 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟 🍟