True Blood recap: We take wardrobe cues from Jessica’s fingerless gloves, Bill’s executioner jacket, and Sookie’s bloodless mohair sweater
The final slow-motion shot last week showed Eric, Pam, Jessica, and King Bill unloading automatic weapons outside of Moon Goddess Emporium, but lots of regular-motion stuff happened too: Eric got his memory back, Sookie told restored Eric she was in love with him and Bill, Terry gave Andy an intervention, and Sam is bent on avenging Tommy’s death with Alcide in tow.
Witch Blade
-The Fangtastic Four show up for a blowup: Pam wants to get this blowing up Witch HQ over with; she’s got a mani-pedi at 4 (a.m. we’re guessing).
-Antonia taunts her prisoners, and stabs the one with the arm warmers—we’re not fans of that look either.
-Sookie gives Antonia a look of “you monster” (so judgey, Sookie), but it looks like Antonia has no remorse.
-But! Marnie pukes Antonia out, which Lafayette relays to Tara, Jesus, and Sookie; Antonia accuses Marnie of becoming evil; she wants to leave but Marnie bonds Antonia to her and swallows her up again. Sounds like Marnie’s in charge now.
-Jesus: We’re fucked.
-As the Fangtastic Four lift their grenade launchers outside, Jason intervenes: Stop! Sookie’s in there.
-The vamps curse Sookie for intervening, which gets Jason riled up. How could Bill and Eric act so ungrateful after all she’s done for them?
-Bill and Eric concede to abort, which pisses Pam off and she delivers a typical Pam analogy to Sookie that we’re too shy to repeat.
-Jason shows them the force field, and as they regroup Jessica and Jason have some back and forth about their one-night stand—he’s still feeling guilty.
-Antonia sends her vamp slaves out to sic the team.
Graveyard Shifter
-Sam and Alcide are interrogating Marcus’s mechanic about Marcus’s whereabouts when in bursts Luna: Her baby daddy has snatched Emma from school.
-Sam tells her about Marcus murdering Tommy, and she gives him a hug.
-Alcide tries to use his knowledge of kidnapping law to get the mechanic to spill where Marcus is, but he doesn’t know much.
-Meanwhile, Marcus is trying to convince Debbie to run away with him. He promises to help her get off the V and to give her children, including Emma (um, thanks)—but she loves Alcide, despite the fact that she thinks he’s been unfaithful.
-Luna gets a call from Emma, and they figure out she’s at Alcide’s.
-Alcide busts in on Marcus and Debbie while Luna reunites with Emma.
-Marcus and Sam start rolling around and trashing Debbie and Alcide’s room while Alcide holds Debbie back.
-Sam looks ready to snap Marcus’s neck but lets him go, and Marcus dives for the gun, but before he can shoot Sam, Alcide intervenes and kills Marcus.
-Alcide abjures Debbie from his life, which in were circles means she’ll become invisible to him. She cries in her cobalt blue panties as Sam and Alcide take their leave.
-Marcus lays dead on the floor next to Debbie’s copy of Glamour—oh, Debbie, cheating on your man and doing V is always a “don’t.”
-Sam exits the house, and Emma wants to know where her daddy is; Sam gives Luna a look like “I’m sorry.” Luna did not go to soap-opera acting class because I cannot tell if she’s relieved or if she’s upset with Sam. I’m sure we’ll find out next week.
Debbie Pelt’s guide to what to wear to cheat on your man
While she told Alcide nothing happened between her and Marcus, being in your panties looks none-to-good, and we’re tempted to make a snide remark involving her last name. Her panties look like she’d be happy to throw them on stage at a Mötley Crüe concert (maybe it’s the electric blue hue), but if you want a similarly bright pair, try Hanky Panky ($18, shopbop.com).
Showdown at the MG Emporium
-Jesus tells Marnie that Arm Warmers has a weak pulse and he wants to try to save her.
-He moves her into the back room, but it’s a ruse to form a brujo plan with Lafayette.
-Holly and Sookie confront Marnie about her stabbing Arm Warmers, and Sookie pretends to relate to get her to back down, but she’s not budging so much.
-Pam snatches the vintage Cartier chain necklace off the vamp zombie they’re about to execute; there’s no need to waste nice jewellery. As usual, we totally agree with Pam.
-They yell at Antonia to come out, and she takes Sookie with her to negotiate.
-Eric and Bill try to out-yell each other about letting Sookie go, and Antonia demands they kill themselves in order to set Sookie free. They both agree, though Bill warns Antonia it won’t stop a witch slaughter.
-Eric kneels, and Sookie cries as they both give her a long look goodbye, but Pam won’t accept they’re going to take the true death for Bo Peep and fires off a rocket at the Emporium. It bounces back in a flame ball when it hits the force field.
-Back in the Emporium, Antonia, with Sookie in tow, says she’s finished negotiating.
-Lafayette and Jesus are cooking something up with a mortar and pestle and Arm Warmer’s blood—and it’s not Burgers Lafayette.
-As Jesus starts chanting in a creepy voice, Lafayette’s eyes are rolling around so much from the craziness we’re worried about his retinas detaching.
-Outside Eric is pissed at Pam for almost killing Sookie. Jessica got charred up in the flame ball but forgets all about that when she sees Jason is burned half to death, and she feeds him her blood.
Jessica’s guide to protective hand gear for witch combat
You’ll want to avoid automatic rifle calluses but will still want your wrists free for feeding Jason your blood: cropped fingerless leather gloves, like these from Topshop ($36, topshop.com) do the trick.
Un-Spellbound
-Antonia looks at her future in Arm Warmer’s puddle of blood on the floor and sees herself shot dead and freaks.
-She calls a spell circle, but the others don’t want to hold her hand, except for the dude who looks like he’s a Phish groupie, but they acquiesce. Antonia pressures the final hand holdout Sookie into joining the circle.
-Jesus is carving up his arm and Lafayette sprinkles herbs on the cuts in the backroom. Just a pinch, Lafayette!
-Outside, Jason heals after a heavy dose of Jessica, but before they can make out for joy, all the vamps start doing a jerky dance towards the sun force field due to the chanting. It looks kind of like an updated “Thriller.”
-Jason tries to save them from getting fried, and luckily Sookie hears his thoughts and faery zaps the whole circle, breaking the magic right as the Fangtastic Four are about to get zapped.
-Eric tells Pam to get out of his sight (out of loyalty to Sookie?), and she runs off crying.
-Antonia is pissed at Sookie for breaking the spell and encircles her in fire, while Bill and Eric pace outside listening to her cries.
-Jesus’s magic kicks in after he puts on his scary brujo face. He breaks Antonia free of Marnie and she peaces out.
-The fire goes out and the shield is down; Bill and Eric rush in, ripping out the heart of Marnie’s groupie, which Eric sucks on like a tropical drink in front of Marnie’s face.
-Bill shoots Marnie dead, while she threatens: “No one lives forever, not even you.”
Bill’s guide to an executioner’s jacket
You need something with plenty of pockets for bullets, grenades, and whatever else you might need to take out a witch. This Rag & Bone jacket ($490, barneys.com) feels cool enough for a king.
Nighttime Visitors
-Andy is on his walk home through the Bon Temps backwoods, talking to himself, when a faery appears and zaps him out cold.
-Andy wakes up to the faery straddling him and looking to get down in the grass (sex out of doors is popular this season, huh?).
-Andy goes with it because, really, why would he turn it down, but first she makes him swear he’ll protect her and does an ET-style lighted-finger trick.
-Andy returns home where Arlene chews him out for going missing. She’s got on her sassy bedazzle-butt denim and a flare-sleeved pink top that we hope she bought with her insurance money.
-He tells her about the beautiful woman with the light-stick finger and their sexy times out of doors.
-She gives him a talk-to-the-hand call-out and an “Andyyyy-yyy,” and calls him crazy.
-At the Emporium, Sookie stands off to the side as Eric glamours Marnie’s former coven, and he and Bill confer and give Sookie long, serious glances.
-Jessica checks in on Jason, who’s resting at the palm-reading table. He says she’s all he thinks about, and she gives him her demure-sexy eyes.
-Later at home, Jesus and Lafayette are curled up under their faux leopard-fur bedspread talking about Marnie’s detath; Lafayette tells Jesus not to blame himself—he’s a hero.
-Lafayette is about to drift off, but opens his eyes and there’s Antonia hovering over him, and she goes into his open mouth.
Sookie’s guide to what to wear when there’s no blood splatter
Whenever Sookie wears a pretty sundress or her Merlotte’s white tee, she’s practically guaranteed to get involved in a blood bath. For once she wears a sensible dark cardigan, and she doesn’t get a drop of blood on her. She could’ve worn a Zara mohair cardigan ($50, zara.com) and had no worries about a dry-cleaning bill.
And that’s it folks, until next week! Stay tuned for our recap of Episode 12 next Monday September 12th! Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m on HBO Canada.
