True Blood recap: We take wardrobe cues from Debbie’s hostess dress, Grandpa’s snake ring and Sookie’s umpteenth sweatshirt
We’re at the halfway mark and the machinations of our friends in Bon Temps are coming to a head. Last week we got our first kiss between Eric and Sookie, we learned about the necromancer’s Spanish roots, and we saw Jesus and Lafayette check in at Creepy Grandpa’s B&B in Mexico.
Stopped at Second Base
-Sookie and Eric move things from the porch to the couch. She’s down to her skivvies; a little white cotton-and-lace thong and a matching bra (with a little padding, uh huh)—very virginal, and considering Eric’s amnesia it is kind of his first time at this.
-Bill barges in like a dad in a bad teen comedy, and Eric is about to stake him with the fire poker when Sookie tells him he’s his king.
-Bill locks up a now-subservient Eric, but there’s no way Sookie’s leaving without her new love interest. She and Bill fight—Sookie pokes holes in all of his excuses as to why he arrested Eric—until Bill has her escorted off the property while he makes a sad face.
-Down in the modern dungeon, Eric smells death—no, no, it’s just Pam hiding under a blanket, crying and rotting. She tries to get him to snap out of his passivity by explaining that Bill’s a dork and Eric is a Viking vampire god, but he’s done with being evil Eric, even if that means death.
-Bill Skypes with Nan—who looks very mother-of-the-bride in a silvery satin jacket and single-strand pearls. He informs her that he has the necromancer witch and Eric in his custody.
-Bill’s recommendation: The true death for an infected Eric.
Meanwhile…
-Terry and Arlene’s house goes up in flames but everyone’s OK, including baby Mikey, who gets himself out and onto the lawn with his ugly ol’ doll in tow before the big blow.
-As Arlene hugs her baby close, he smiles at a lady who looks to be wearing her Sunday best circa 1950. The woman disappears—looks like she’s just Mikey’s to be seen.
-Landlord Sam shows up to check out the damage, get into it with Andy, and have a conversation with (WTF?) an armadillo-holding Terry. We wonder if the fire’s rapid escalation was due to Arlene’s love of flammable clothing or her bathroom full of red hair dye. RIP camo tracksuit from last week.
-Over at Alcide’s, Debbie is caught having a chat on the couch with the creepy, soft-goth packmaster, who’s all “Calm down, bro,” and gives Alcide the hard sell on joining the local great wolf lodge.
-Debbie and Alcide get into it; she wants community and for him to come run with the pack on that night’s full moon.
-In Bill’s basement jail, Marnie is doing some cutting, like a teenager’s cry for help, hoping it will make her spirit witch answer her cries for possession.
-She’s answered by the tell-tale hair-blowing breeze, and a flashback takes her to a locked-up Antonia being fed on and raped by now-Sheriff Luis.
-Next, Antonia is burning on the cross, her coven is chanting in their cell and vampires are waking up and walking into the sun to burn.
-Marnie comes to, and in the corner with her own wind effect is Antonia. She enters Marnie’s body.
Debbie Pelt’s guide to entertaining behind your man’s back
You don’t want to look like you’re making a pass, but Debbie predictably thought it would be a good idea to put on a full face of makeup and a pretty dress to get in good with the new packmaster. Her pick was a colourful, not-too-short sundress, similar to this bright, patterned Roxy dress ($55, roxy.com).
A Snake in the Grass
-Over at Grampy’s breakfast nook in Mexico, goat tongue is served with a big side helping of Grandpa’s and Jesus’ trust issues.
-Gramps, who is looking a bit like Tommy Chong (of Cheech and Chong) when he was on That ’70s Show, sure likes his silver rings and bracelets, and for once Lafayette isn’t the most flamboyant character in the room (though it does look like he’s loaded up on religious icon pendants).
-To prove he’s serious, Jesus must find an animal to sacrifice. Somehow his and Lafayette’s bickering doesn’t scare off all the animals, and they catch a rattlesnake.
-While they were out hunting, Grandpa and baby mama have lit enough candles to fill 10 Catholic churches and, no biggie, built a fire pit in the middle of the room.
-Based on either some conversation we didn’t see or some kind of witch-intuition, Grandpa knows that Marnie is into bloodletting: Spilling your own blood is the ticket to getting possessed by a spirit.
-Grandpa lashes out at Jesus with the rattlesnake until it bites him, and then he and baby mama leave Jesus writhing as the poison takes effect while Lafayette freaks out.
-Suddenly a spirit in the corner of the room possesses Lafayette: It’s Tio Luca, and he speaks Spanish and knows chants that heal Jesus.
Grandpa’s guide to mystical accessories.
Silver is key, with some turquoise and other powerful gems for extra embellishment. Pamela Love’s double snake ring ($1,150, jonathanandolivia.com) will be a nice reminder of that bonding moment you shared with your precious grandpa.
Last Rites
-The King looks up at the moon. He’s left his sport coat inside and put on a leather jacket—usually a sign he’s feeling like Badass Bill instead of Business Bill.
-Eric is held by guards and kneels for his sentencing. He can’t say anything in defence of the old Eric, but has two final requests: Release Pam, as she’s about to rot to death anyhow; and pass along a message to Sookie? In a speech that must’ve been written to fulfill our Harlequin desires, Eric says: “Tell her I was born the night she found me, and because of her I went to my true death knowing what it means to love. Tell her: Thank you.”
-But that’s not all! Eric says he hopes Bill and Sookie find their way back to each other after he’s gone—all he wants is her happiness. We bet Bill feels like a real heel.
-Bill gets ready to stake as Eric looks upwards bravely, and of course they cut away to another scene.
-Meanwhile, in Bill’s office, Luis is looking through the security cam at Marnie, who smiles knowingly up at him.
-He heads down to see her in person, and conveniently enough, no guards are down there to block his way.
-Inside the cell, he’s not surprised to find Antonia in Marnie’s body, and before he can pounce she speaks some ancient words and gets him under her control.
Marnie’s guide to a modern witch silhouette
Marnie has been forced to spend a few days in her dark-printed maxi dress. We’re wondering if, now that she’s possessed, Antonia will also give her a makeover? We’ll always remember the old Marnie when we wear our own maxi dresses, like this shifter-like leopard print number from MinkPink ($105, nastygal.com).
Nobody Wants to be Lonely
-Naomi bangs down Tara’s door and wants answers, and we want to know how Naomi knew she should dress to match a leopard-trimmed house. She’s wearing a tiger-print tank that works perfectly with Lala’s throw pillows.
-Naomi delivers some wooden lines about leaving Tara, but in the end they make out and then head to Merlotte’s for some fried pickles and PDA.
-Jessica is their waitress, but before she can tell them the specials she zooms out the door, having been “called” by someone.
-Jessica, having sensed Jason is stressed out in the woods, comes to his rescue and calms him down by telling him to go to his happy place. Judging by his wandering eyes, his happy place is her rack.
-They sit out in the woods under the full moon until they realize he isn’t going to turn into a werepanther. They have some awkward convo about how special he is, and part ways before it gets any weirder between them.
-After their meal, Tara and Naomi make cute in the parking lot, where Pam shows up pretty sore about all her open sores—she’s in a rotten mood (OK, that’s enough puns, we promise). She’s ditched her mourning hat and veil and is ready to pounce on our lovebirds.
Naomi’s guide to what to wear to confront your lying girlfriend
You want to look fierce, but maybe not Lafayette fierce, so don some animal print but keep it neutral like this Wilfrid Anouk tank ($40, aritzia.com).
The Man in the Mirror
-Sam’s busy putting out post-fire fires and asks a super-depressed Tommy to open up Merlotte’s.
-As Tommy stares hard into the mirror in self-loathing, he shifts into Sam. (If you remember, Luna said shifters who killed their mamas could do that.)
-At Merlotte’s, Tommy/Sam lectures Sookie for being high maintenance and fires her. He loves pretending to be Sam (and we love seeing Tommy’s loping tough-guy walk come to life in Sam’s body) until an abandoned-by-Tommy Mrs. Fortenberry gives a speech on how she thinks Tommy is dumber than a bucket of spit.
-Luna shows up to booty call Sam but Tommy is still in his body. At first he hesitates but then she snaps open her dress and he can’t refuse.
-Luna and Tommy/Sam knock boots and afterwards she wants to cuddle and chat about changing into eagles. He’s not feeling so hot and kicks her out before changing back to his true form.
-Sam, unaware of what’s happened, finds Tommy passed out in a puddle of his own puke—too much Merlotte’s chili?
Luna’s guide to booty-call chic
A booty call isn’t about rounding bases à la Sookie and Eric; it’s about getting straight to the home run, so leave the underwear at home and choose an easy access mini like this Forever21 button-front sundress ($24, canada.forever21.com) with sky-high heels. That way, you won’t have much to pick up when you storm out afterwards.
Frolicking in the Woods
-A fired Sookie heads to Jason’s for some brotherly help to save Eric, but he’s locked in his room and refusing to see her.
-She won’t take no, and barges in to find him handcuffed to the bed. No, it’s not sexy time Jason, but scared-he’s-turning-into-a-panther Jason.
-Sookie gets the story out of him but doesn’t seem horrified when she finds out he was dudenapped and bitten repeatedly—maybe she’s becoming immune to violence?
-Wearing brother-and-sister matching hoodies (black for Jason, purple for Sookie), they chill in the backyard until Jason disappears into the woods. Sookie takes off in pursuit, rifle in hand.
-Sookie is still tracking Jason when she comes upon Debbie Pelt and Alcide, wearing His & Hers leather jackets on their way to the were meet-up. They confirm that Jason won’t shift from being bitten and Sookie keeps on her way, yelling for him to come out.
-She hears a noise and turns around, and there’s Eric! How?
-He explains that the King set him free, and it’s on! Makeout City, population: Sookie and Eric.
-Cut to an emo Bill listening to a Neko Case ballad and looking out off his porch on the verge of tears. Lots of sad faces for him this week.
-Thankfully, we don’t end with that mope, but go back to Sookie and Eric doing it butt-naked by a creek in the plushest grass we’ve seen outside of an off-season golf course.
Sookie’s guide to what to wear for the best night of your life
She may not have given that purple hoodie—which looks pretty similar to American Apparel’s ubiquitous zip-up ($55, store.americanapparel.ca)—much thought when she threw it on, but we’re pretty sure she’ll always remember what she was wearing when she had (what has to be!) the best sex of her life.
And that’s it folks, until next week! Stay tuned for our recap of Episode 7 next Monday August 8th! Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m on HBO Canada.
