Episode Three: The Evaluation

Last week: Spencer surprised Heidi with graffiti in the living room and a “high-end” engagement ring. Audrina dated a guy named Justin, whose friends inexplicably refer to him as “Bobby.”

Hillside Villas. Audrina has scheduled a date with Justin Bobby and invites Lauren along. It’s obvious Lauren’s not a huge J.B. fan, but the normally commitment-phobic Audrina’s considering making him her first real boyfriend, so she’s willing to give him a chance.  “You’re a smart girl; you know what you’re doing,” Lauren says. Audrina nods unconvincingly.

Bolthouse. “OMG!” Heidi’s co-worker, Elodie, exclaims when she’s nearly blinded by Heidi’s flashy new ring. “You’re not pregnant, are you?” Heidi assures her that she’s not, and that marriage is simply right for her. “If you meet a Spencer at my age, it’s a whole different thing,” she says. Elodie, clearly thinking that if she met a Spencer at any age, she would turn and run in the opposite direction, tries to smile.

Clothing store. Spencer and Brody shop and discuss Spencer’s engagement. “I used to think marriage was the dumbest thing, for guys who couldn’t get laid,” Spencer says. “I know married couples, and they don’t have sex,” Brody informs him, laughing. I can only hope he’s right–if marriage will keep Spencer and Heidi from procreating, I’m all for it.

Teen Vogue. Lauren takes a break from an intense underlining session to discuss Justin Bobby with Whitney. J.B. abandoning Audrina in Vegas is enough of a red flag for Whitney, but, ever the optimist, she hopes he’s changed. “I’m gonna try really hard to like him,” Lauren says. I’m sure that will work out splendidly.

Heidi and Spencer’s. Heidi likes Spencer’s newest acquisition, a vintage arcade game, about as much as she liked the “art” he bought last week. All she wants is a table! “Let’s get a pool table!” Spencer says. “Oh my God,” Heidi sighs.

Restaurant. Lauren joins Audrina and Justin Bobby mid-date. She compliments J.B. on his motorbike, but cautions him to be careful with Audrina. “That’s precious cargo you got there!” she says. Justin belches in response.

Audrina takes this opportunity to ask Lauren what she thinks of good old J.B. “You know, it takes more than a couple drinks to tell,” Lauren says diplomatically, while trying to avoid lunging across the table and impaling Justin with her drink-stirring stick. Justin assures her that he doesn’t actually care what she thinks and abruptly ends the date.

Hillside Villas, the next day. Audrina and Lauren dissect the date. “It was so awkward,” Audrina says. “He wasn’t nice.” Lauren assumes that this is the end of Justin Bobby, but Audrina looks pained.

Heidi and Spencer’s. Heidi tells her beau that Elodie doesn’t approve of his tendency to make major(ly awful) home decoration decisions without consulting Heidi first. Spencer, mentally placing Elodie right after Lauren on his list of dangerous Heidi influences, informs Heidi that “they’re not decisions, they’re surprises.” Heidi pouts, having not yet learned that Spencer is unaffected by any show of human emotion.

Restaurant. Audrina has taken a week-long vacation from Justin Bobby, but is meeting him to decide if they should just be friends. She asks his opinion, and his response is an incomprehensible speech about kicking rocks, looking beyond and not letting anyone influence him. “I think truth and time tells all,” he finishes. Audrina seems to find this incredibly deep and decides to give him another shot.

Heidi and Spencer’s. Spencer arrives at home to find Heidi painting over his hideous mural. “Surprise!” Heidi exclaims. Ignoring Spencer’s locked jaw and murderous glare, she informs him that he can’t be mad at her. “We can decide what to do with this wall together,” she says. “If we’re really gonna do this engagement thing, our whole lives, our decisions, are together.” Spencer literally has no idea what to do when Heidi stands up to him. Shell-shocked, he picks up the roller and starts to paint.

Read Amy’s recaps for episode one and two.