CNTM Episode 4: Tell me how that makes you feel…

Photography by Chris Nicholls
Photography by Chris Nicholls

In episode 4, the models get a lesson in charisma from Irina Lazareanu and smile with their eyes through ridiculous makeup. And everybody talks about their issues. A lot.

We can only assume she means Nikita: Ebonie’s note implore the girls to “Please stop complaining, you are the luckiest girls in the world.”

Today’s theme: Anxiety. Let’s start with Rebeccah who has “lost her spunk” and is crying on the phone.

The Nikita has two faces: To camera–“She’s kind of not all there.” To Rebeccah—“If you ever need anything, don’t be afraid to ask.”

Today’s guest: Irina! We’ll say it again. Irina!

Welcome to group therapy: The girls have to get up and speak in front of the group. We find out Meaghan was shy and awkward in high school. Nikita does an impression of Maryam’s quiet voice and Maryam looks really hurt. Also, Rebeccah “disgusts” Nikita.

Editing: I think things would go much faster if we just ignored Nikita for the rest of the episode.

Best impression of In Treatment: “I’m really bad at public speaking.” “I’m dyslexic.” “I have social anxiety.” “I’m a bit nervous today, actually.” “I can forget about winning this challenge.”

An aside: Mike Ruiz is smuggling guns in that green T-shirt.

This is how you get charisma?: Meaghan wonders if they’re going to dress them in burlap sacks.

Best crystal ball: And they do. Seriously that’s the first time anyone has ever been right about a challenge. Anyway, they have to do a screen test.

Most sustained wincing: The audience, while listening to the girls garble a string of fashion names. A sampling: “Bal-en-kay…” “La-crow” “Dwa-ur” “Channel” We know that Coco Rocha didn’t know who Anna Wintour was when she started modelling, but really? Channel?

Keep reaching for that Slashie: “Before I got into modelling, I was really an actress,” Rebeccah explains.

Challenge winner: Heather. Irina says she could have a shot at a career. That’s major props.

Oh, the humanity: The “Sealed off” girls get evicted and have to move in with the hoi polloi. AND the models lose their bunk beds. AND what’s her face with the bangs won’t sleep beside Rebeccah. There’s more drama than at a 10-year-old’s slumber party.

We’re just gonna skip: The extended derm commercial.

Most inspirational Jay Mail: “Even if you lose your voice you still have to face the world.”

Translation: “Stylized” hair and makeup topped off with duct tape over the mouth.

Sing it, Nolé: “Okay, [Bangs], I know you can’t talk now, I love you that way.”

OMG, dramz: Rebeccah starts getting freaked out by all the hair and makeup people and all the directions. The girls were laughing during her shoot (not at her, they say) and Rebeccah goes into sad clown mode (not helped by her makeup), has a panic attack, calls her mom and doesn’t come back to the condo with the rest of the girls.

But you all make it so easy: Linsay says, “[Rebeccah] didn’t reach out at all at any point.”

Biggest cause of consternation: Those checkerboard nails. But give us one of those Mikhael Kale dresses, for sure.

Most coincidentally helpful instance of over-mothering: To practice for school picture day, Meaghan’s mom used to cover Meaghan’s mouth and make her smile with her eyes.

That’s so Rebeccah: “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stranger.”

Most confusing description of an ensemble: Jay has his “charismatic outfit” on. As opposed to the totally pedestrian way he normally dresses.

Best Channel-inspired outfits: The girls are all dressed in black, white and cream. Do you think they called each other?

Most valiant triumph over duct tape: Maryam. Her eyes are so intense you don’t even notice it.

Maybe she just needs a few more pieces of flair: Tara looks “tentative.” The photo makes her look like a little girl.

Ouch: Linsay’s shot looks “catalogue” and her pose “remedial.” At least she’s looking at the damn camera.

More group therapy: See above.

Photo of the week: Maryam

Ciao: Tara