Male Chiropractor Invents—Wait for It—Period Glue

This just in: Daniel Dopps, a Kansas-based chiropractor has come up with what he thinks is the solution to women’s periods, because apparently they are very distracting to us.

His product, called Mensez, is described as a “feminine lip-stick” and was introduced in a Facebook post that went viral.

Behold, period glue. Dopps tries to make it sound less appalling by calling it a “lipstick” but you apply it to your “lower lips” (they’re called labia, people). Rather than make them Hollywood-red like the bullets we’re used to, it “glues” the labia together so that blood doesn’t spill out. When you urinate, the glue dissolves and the blood is released. Then, you apply the amino-acid-and-oil formula again to re-seal. Sounds like a bloody mess on so many levels. Also, how is this even clean? I mean, if the product is/was/will be efficient, I think a squeeze bottle or disposable applicators would be critical. But then again, period glue is just so cringey, who really cares about its application?

According to Forbes, Dopps responded to one Facebook user’s question saying: “[Y]ou as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that [sic] stifle them and play with their heads.” Wow. Words fail us.

The product has not yet been manufactured, but the patent was secured in January. Dopps reportedly hopes that it will be sold to a big company like Proctor and Gamble. Bahahahaha. Good luck with that, DD. And maybe focus on a product that glues your piehole.