True Blood recap: We take wardrobe cues from what Sookie wore, what Eric didn’t and why Bill got rid of his hideous henleys
Welcome to the first of our True Blood recaps. Each week we’ll be checking in on our favourite telepathic barmaid, and the hot vampires, werewolves, shifters, faeries, and backwoods miscreants that make up her little corner of Louisiana. Important fashion lessons and questions will be explored from what spring collections will the fae be snapping up to how many low-cut tank top and leather-jacket combos can one Viking own?
Where we left off last season:
-After Eric—who should really launch his own cement effect hair product—reveals Bill’s betrayal to Sookie, she tells them both to drop dead-er.
-After a good cry in the cemetery in a demure blue sundress (very Christopher Kane Spring 2010, don’t you think?) Sookie followed Claudine—who’s always in her uniform blush-toned gown and romantic tendrils—into the faerie light.
-Bill, on a mission to keep Sookie safe, puts on his best Eric Northman leather perfecto to have a Crouching Tiger fight to the death with the Queen of Louisiana (the always stunningly-wardrobed Evan Rachel Wood)—we hope that her feathered cap and Victorian mourning suit survive, at the very least.
Spoiled Fruit
-Sookie arrives in Faerie, where fae and humans mingle—it’s like a Fae Anonymous meeting with tulle instead of Twelve Steps.
-She quickly wises up that this place isn’t a photo shoot for a costume jewellery company and refuses Queen Mab’s invitation to stay in Faerie forever. She escapes Bill & Ted–style through a portal, but only because she didn’t eat their lightfruit.
-At home, Sookie finds that someone’s finally cleaned up season two’s mess at her house—how do you get mud and orgy out of a couch cushion? But wait, how’d they do all that in the short time Sookie was at her FaeA meeting?
-The cops are called, and who shows up but a goateed, frosted-tipped, fully uniformed Jason Stackhouse. If ever a CHiPS reboot seems warranted, it’s so we can see Jason in uniform for a full hour.
-Hot Cop explains that Sookie’s been gone 12 and a half months, and he sold the house to a mysterious real-estate holding company. Sookie is understandably bummed that he gave her up for dead, and isn’t impressed that they made a website to try and find her. Sookie, websites aren’t that easy to just put together, you know.
Sookie’s guide to what to wear to a FaeA meeting
Think grown-up Alice in Wonderland: a blue halter dress and a headband like this Pepe Jeans one! ($110, asos.com)
Welcome Back, Hotter
-At dusk Sookie expectantly wanders out onto the porch to see who shows up.
-Neighbour Bill gets the jump on pledging his grief during her absence. Eric, just a beat behind because his hair takes longer to gel, is ordered away by Bill (Hmm, he can do that? Isn’t Eric sheriff?), because even he knows a Viking in a low-cut tank and leather jacket is pretty stiff (Get it? They’re dead) competition.
-Before Eric goes, he does his best Jerry Maguire pronouncement: “Understand this, everyone who claims to love you: your friends, your brother, even Bill Compton, they all gave up on you. I. Never. Did.”
-Sookie’s still pissed, and she sends Bill away even though he looks to have finally ditched those awful henley shirts—I am not exaggerating, Google “henley shirt” and you’ll get a picture of Bill Compton.
Eric’s guide to what not to wear
Henleys are so last season (or two seasons ago, when we still thought Bill was a good guy). Go for the strong, undead type with this guys McQ moto jacket that’d look equally sexy on fangbangers in training. ($458, ssense.com)
A Bun in the Coven
-Lafayette and his boyfriend Jesus check out the local Wiccan meet up.
-These include Merlotte waitress Holly and a blonde who looks like one of those hot girls they make look like librarians just so they can surprise us by revealing them as actually hot later on.
-Marnie, the leader of the coven, dresses like a Midwest schoolteacher on What Not To Wear—couldn’t she embrace what she is and at least dress like Carrie’s mom?
-She channels Lafayette’s powers and briefly brings back her dead bird Minerva.
Lafayette’s guide to getting the Hair Ferret
That bird isn’t the only thing Lafayette’s powers are bringing to life. In the last 12 months, Hooker went and grew a mohawk (still loves head scarves).
Lafayette Hair Look #1: Soft, touchable curls to bewitch your male-nurse-witch boyfriend when going to check out a spell circle.
Lafayette Hair Look #2: Middle-part French braids will get your hair out of the way at work. For extra pizzazz, take a scarf and form ends into a bun above your right ear—this look will take you from day to night, kitchen to coven.
Meanwhile:
-Pam, dressed in a pink tweed skirt suit that’s more PTA than prêt-à-porter, struggles to appear warm in Nan Flanagan’s American Vampire League PSA about vampires being harmless. When Eric flips Pam’s hair and dismisses her, she looks like a child at picture day—cute!
-Jason is playing Santa to Crystal’s werepanther kin in Hot Shot. They repay him for the hot dogs, ice cream and raw meat by locking him in a freezer.
-Sam shot Tommy, and for some reason isn’t in jail? Instead he attends an anger management meeting, which is really just a shifter dinner party.
-Tara is now “Toni,” a UFC-style fighter in New Orleans and a lesbian.
-Jessica and Hoyt are already in a domestic funk of dressing the same in jeans and plaid shirts, so head to Fangtasia for a date night.
The final five minutes:
-Dowdy-for-now witch drops in on Bill—dun-dun-dun—the new King of Louisiana, who’s expecting her.
-Eric, whose timing is impeccable, surprises a divested-of-clothes Sookie. How did he get in when his invitation was rescinded?
-Why it’s his house, he bought it (cue gun show–style arm flex as keys are dangled in the air): “Because I always knew you were alive, and if I owned the house, well then I would own you.”
-Eric takes menacingly sexy steps towards her as she clings to a tiny pink nightie: “Sookie. You. Are. Mine.” Fangs extend, Sookie gulps, and we swoon.
And that’s it folks, until next week! Stay tuned for our recap of Episode 2 next Monday July 4!
Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m on HBO Canada
 Sookie followed Claudine—who’s always in her uniform blush-toned gown and romantic tendrils—into the faerie light.
-Bill, on a mission to keep Sookie safe, puts on his best Eric Northman leather perfecto to have a Crouching Tiger fight to the death with the Queen of Louisiana (the always stunningly-wardrobed Evan Rachel Wood)—we hope that her feathered cap and Victorian mourning suit survive, at the very least.
Spoiled Fruit
-Sookie arrives in Faerie, where fae and humans mingle—it’s like a Fae Anonymous meeting with tulle instead of Twelve Steps.
-She quickly wises up that this place isn’t a photo shoot for a costume jewellery company and refuses Queen Mab’s invitation to stay in Faerie forever. She escapes Bill & Ted–style through a portal, but only because she didn’t eat their lightfruit.
-At home, Sookie finds that someone’s finally cleaned up season two’s mess at her house—how do you get mud and orgy out of a couch cushion? But wait, how’d they do all that in the short time Sookie was at her FaeA meeting?
-The cops are called, and who shows up but a goateed, frosted-tipped, fully uniformed Jason Stackhouse. If ever a CHiPS reboot seems warranted, it’s so we can see Jason in uniform for a full hour.
-Hot Cop explains that Sookie’s been gone 12 and a half months, and he sold the house to a mysterious real-estate holding company. Sookie is understandably bummed that he gave her up for dead, and isn’t impressed that they made a website to try and find her. Sookie, websites aren’t that easy to just put together, you know.
Sookie’s guide to what to wear to a FaeA meeting
Think grown-up Alice in Wonderland: a blue halter dress and a headband like this Pepe Jeans one! ($110, asos.com)
Welcome Back, Hotter
-At dusk Sookie expectantly wanders out onto the porch to see who shows up.
-Neighbour Bill gets the jump on pledging his grief during her absence. Eric, just a beat behind because his hair takes longer to gel, is ordered away by Bill (Hmm, he can do that? Isn’t Eric sheriff?), because even he knows a Viking in a low-cut tank and leather jacket is pretty stiff (Get it? They’re dead) competition.
-Before Eric goes, he does his best Jerry Maguire pronouncement: “Understand this, everyone who claims to love you: your friends, your brother, even Bill Compton, they all gave up on you. I. Never. Did.”
-Sookie’s still pissed, and she sends Bill away even though he looks to have finally ditched those awful henley shirts—I am not exaggerating, Google “henley shirt” and you’ll get a picture of Bill Compton.
Eric's guide to what not to wear
Henleys are so last season (or two seasons ago, when we still thought Bill was a good guy). Go for the strong, undead type with this guys McQ moto jacket that'd look equally sexy on fangbangers in training. ($458, ssense.com)
A Bun in the Coven
-Lafayette and his boyfriend Jesus check out the local Wiccan meet up.
-These include Merlotte waitress Holly and a blonde who looks like one of those hot girls they make look like librarians just so they can surprise us by revealing them as actually hot later on.
-Marnie, the leader of the coven, dresses like a Midwest schoolteacher on What Not To Wear—couldn’t she embrace what she is and at least dress like Carrie’s mom?
-She channels Lafayette’s powers and briefly brings back her dead bird Minerva.
Lafayette's guide to getting the Hair Ferret
That bird isn’t the only thing Lafayette’s powers are bringing to life. In the last 12 months, Hooker went and grew a mohawk (still loves head scarves).
Lafayette Hair Look #1: Soft, touchable curls to bewitch your male-nurse-witch boyfriend when going to check out a spell circle.
Lafayette Hair Look #2: Middle-part French braids will get your hair out of the way at work. For extra pizzazz, take a scarf and form ends into a bun above your right ear—this look will take you from day to night, kitchen to coven.
Meanwhile:
-Pam, dressed in a pink tweed skirt suit that’s more PTA than prêt-à-porter, struggles to appear warm in Nan Flanagan’s American Vampire League PSA about vampires being harmless. When Eric flips Pam’s hair and dismisses her, she looks like a child at picture day—cute!
-Jason is playing Santa to Crystal’s werepanther kin in Hot Shot. They repay him for the hot dogs, ice cream and raw meat by locking him in a freezer.
-Sam shot Tommy, and for some reason isn’t in jail? Instead he attends an anger management meeting, which is really just a shifter dinner party.
-Tara is now “Toni,” a UFC-style fighter in New Orleans and a lesbian.
-Jessica and Hoyt are already in a domestic funk of dressing the same in jeans and plaid shirts, so head to Fangtasia for a date night.
The final five minutes:
-Dowdy-for-now witch drops in on Bill—dun-dun-dun—the new King of Louisiana, who’s expecting her.
-Eric, whose timing is impeccable, surprises a divested-of-clothes Sookie. How did he get in when his invitation was rescinded?
-Why it’s his house, he bought it (cue gun show–style arm flex as keys are dangled in the air): “Because I always knew you were alive, and if I owned the house, well then I would own you.”
-Eric takes menacingly sexy steps towards her as she clings to a tiny pink nightie: “Sookie. You. Are. Mine.” Fangs extend, Sookie gulps, and we swoon.
And that's it folks, until next week! Stay tuned for our recap of Episode 2 next Monday July 4!
Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m on HBO Canada){kind=link}