SNP’s word of the day: Holidaze

Illustration by Lewis Mirrett
Illustration by Lewis Mirrett

Word: Holidaze

Meaning: The state of being totally confused about whose festivus fete you were supposed to attend at 6, which of your disgusting exes you should still send a “Happy 2012!” e-card to, how much to spend on your step-aunt, whether or not cranberry sauce is “better for you” than gravy, and what constitutes appropriate attire for the one time of year you don’t have a choice about going to church; also, not caring one tiny bit.

Usage: “Happy Holidaze!” — from me to you because I’m so nice

You should know it because: It’s now December, what, 23rd? And see, I hardly even knew that, because I have such a horrific cumulative hangover, plus a migraine from accidentally hearing the Justin Bieber Christmas album, and am writing this in from a cradle swathed in gold tissue paper and Hershey’s mint chocolate kiss wrappers (MMMMMMM). This is why we call the holidays the “holidaze.” If you’re not tired, whiney, bloated, and stressed to eff right now, you’re doing Christmas wrong! Heathen! SCROOGE!

Okay, I’mma calm down and listen to this new Weeknd thing, Echoes of Silence, which you can listen to too if you can’t find your Mariah Carey vinyl and want to know what a holidaze sounds like. Or I can just tell you: a lot of stupid excess and prescription drugs. Merry whatever, guys.

More Celebrity