SNP’s word of the day: Babyccino

Illustration by Lewis Mirrett

Word: Babyccino

Meaning: A decaf mini cappuccino, made especially for the worst babies on earth.

Usage: “Too hip for apple juice? Try a babyccino… It’s what all the urban lumberjacks in man buns are putting in their offspring’s sippy cups. ” — The Frisky

You should know it because: On Saturday I was in New York, and, feeling subsumed by Freudian death instincts, I went to Soho. There, a woman ran over my foot with her custom Range Rover of a stroller because I didn’t intuitively move in the right direction, and another woman’s six-year-old child asked where Dean & Deluca was. I’m sorry, but your children are going to be terrorists.

It’s not much better in Brooklyn, home to a new “trend” of serving your aspiring celebutots the same over-pricey machine swill you drink. Let’s just be clear. Your darling spawn is a gift to yourself, not to humanity. Your children are not my future. Get them. The eff. Out of my coffee shop.

In the Small Hope Dept., an ABC parenting blogger did some research and found the whole thing to be largely concocted by bored media. Too late, though. Three trend articles make a trend, and it’s only a matter of time before babyccinos vomit all over your freelance office. When that happens, don’t say you weren’t warned.