Mad Men recap: We explain Betty’s second helping of ice cream and how teenagers “feel” when they they listen to The Rolling Stones

Date April 2, 2012

Photography courtesy of Michael Yarish/AMC

How to top last week where we had a birthday serenade, thwarted bean ballets, Pete and Trudy’s clashing party ensembles and Harry repeatedly sticking his foot in his mouth? The return of Betty Francis. And with more Betty to love (and simultaneously hate)!

Let’s translate the Bugles, the Stones and the second helping of ice cream »

When Henry asks a “sick with women problems” Betty: “Is there any way you can play with pain?” What he’s really saying is…
“I am going to make an excellent coach to Bobby Draper’s little league team.”

When Megan quickly says at dinner about how she and dapper Draper hooked up: “Don was divorced.” What she’s really proving is…
She gets judged, or she worries about being judged, for marrying someone older. Really she could just sum it up with: “Don is a sexy piece.”

When Roger makes Pete and Lane go to his office for their meeting, what he’s really doing is…
Giving us a chance to admire his excellent decorating. It’s like if Courrèges did interiors. We also like that he’s still trying to show Pete he has the upper hand in the most juvenile Roger way (that we love).

When Betty puts down her Bugles and says to her mother-in-law: “Aren’t you so sweet for coming all the way over here when a phone call would’ve sufficed.” What she really means is…
“I really don’t want to be seen by anyone, least of all you who reminds me of how much I hate being fat because you’re fat too.” We certainly don’t feel sorry for her, but we do feel bummed you can no longer buy Bugles.

When Betty calls Don about her thyroid, what she’s really saying is…
“I still need you.” We get a little sentimental when he calls her Birdie and she asks him to, “Say what you always say.” She’s still got the emotional range of a child, and while she may have a new husband, Don is still her trustworthy father figure when times get tough.

When Peggy says to Michael Ginsberg: “I’m the person you need to impress right now.” What we’re really thinking is…
After four seasons (and the still-to-come women’s liberation movement), Peggy still has to prove herself. It makes us sad that she has to justify herself to a guy wearing a plaid jacket, a spotted shirt, a tie that looks like a banana slug and a pair of dungarees. It also makes us sad that Peggy isn’t tucking in her blouses this season—we’ll chalk that up to Abe’s influence.

When the girl at the concert calls Don and Harry “Derwood” and “Mr. Kravitz” from Bewitched, what she’s really saying is…
“You guys are so out of place here you look like you belong in a world where someone could believably be married to a witch.” What we’re really thinking is, when are the Stones going to get there so we can hear Don explain how beans are the perfect thing to eat while playing the sitar. “Paint it Black” would have been much better as “Paint it Brown,” as in: “I see some kidney beans and I want them covered in tasty sauce…”

When Henry says to Betty, who is making overtures: “Are you sure you want to?” You get the sense he’s…
Been turned down a lot. But how could Bets resist that exposed chest? Watch out Roger, Henry is trying to take the title of resident Silver Fox. What am I saying? There’s no dethroning Roger.

When the tea reader brings Betty to tears (she should call herself a tear reader, waka waka) with her reading, “You mean so much to the people around you.” What Betty is really crying about is…
“I don’t care that they’ll miss me, I care that I will be buried in long pearls that disguise my neck fat and these overblown florals.”

When Roger refers to Don’s new secretary Dawn, who is a woman of colour, as: “It’s always darkest before the Dawn.” What he’s really saying…
“I am not ever going to try to be politically correct.” Also, hiring someone who is Jewish makes the agency look more modern?

When Megan says about Don in his suit: “You’re so square, I’d swear you have corners.” We can’t wait for the day she…
Buys him his first pair of dungarees! Or flared trousers! When will we get a Megan-making-over-Don montage? What in the Steve McQueen will she have to do to get him out of his suits?

When Don says to the teenage Stones fan: “What do you feel when you hear them?” What he’s really saying is…
“I don’t get teenagers and my default setting with people I don’t get is to focus group them.” Do you think he focus groups Megan’s Fire Island friends? “How do you feel when you wear bikinis?”

When Betty smells baby Euge’s hair and smiles contentedly out on the lawn while the kids frolic and Henry sips a cold one, what she’s really doing is…
Making us wonder if this death scare will make her appreciate her kids more? Here’s hoping.

When Peggy makes a point of Don reading Michael Ginsberg’s resume at their meeting, what she’s really doing is…
Trying to sabotage Ginsberg’s meeting? Watching her glare at him as he acts like an honest, thoughtful guy and not the whackadoo she initially met is hilarious. When Ginsberg calls her Margaret, and says she’s “very interesting” we almost see a blood vessel pop she’s giving him the side eye so hard. We can’t wait for the trouble he’ll get into with Stan.

When Roger asks Don: “When is everything going to get back to normal?” What he’s really saying is…
“The Mad Men writers made me say this little line of obvious exposition so watchers know that things are changing quickly and if there’s anyone who doesn’t like change, it’s me, Roger Sterling.”

When Don says to Megan: “You’re such an optimist.” What he’s really saying is…
“You’re so different from my Debbie Downer ex-wife.”

When Betty says: “It’s benign.” What she’s really thinking is…
“I don’t have an excuse to eat Bugles anymore.” We feel you Betty, because we can’t eat them either. Also, we like how Henry blames her weight gain on exhaustion. Next time your jeans don’t fit, just tell yourself it’s because you’ve been staying up too late.

When Ginsberg Sr. wants to celebrate his son’s new job, he tells him: “You should get girls. An old one and a young one.” What he’s really saying is…
“Get ready for some good material about the new copywriter’s home life courtesy of me, papa Ginsberg.”

When Sally and Betty share some mother-daughter QT over sundaes, what Betty is really saying is…
“This scare is maybe making me appreciate my family more, but it’s not making me diet yet.” We can’t help but think back to how Betty used to make Sally feel bad about her weight. And here Sally is not finishing her sundae while Betty scarfs it down. Finally, it’s time for Sally’s revenge!

Mad Men airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on AMC. See you next week, when Betty may or may not lean in for more ice cream.